Books that are a waste of time and paper

Timothy Zahn's Star Wars trilogy.  I do not feel my life has benefitted in any way from reading this.

Paperbacks

Self-help books. Buying a book from someone who claims he can teach you ways to become rich basically teaches you that to get rich, all you have to do is claim that you can teach someone else to get rich.

Well NOT The Da Vinci Code...

bible, koran, etc

The /B/lockade: A Story of /B/tards, Habbos, and Bobbas

none...every book has something to offer...

O RLY

Anything by Anne Rice, Robert Jordan, David Feituch, David Weber. All the Dragonlance novels are shit too, as is any franchise book, like Star Dreck. Niven is a runner up (interesting ideas, complete garbage otherwise).

But by far the worst is Dan Brown. If anything has completely destroyed my faith in humanity's intelligence, it's the popularity of his novels. If you like his writing, you're an idiot. Unfortunately, Dan Brown has now proven that the average person is an idiot, so I guess you're normal.

>>9
DRAGONLANCE IS AWESOME. TASSLEHOFF IS A TRUE HERO. RAISTLIN FTW!!!

Tasslehoff getting ground into a meat pancake was the greatest event in that whole fagged-up series.

Twilight. I only read through it becuase I spent 15 bucks on it.

howard government white papers

I agree, i grew up reading dragonlance...they were all captivating

The Joy Luck Club

I grew up reading Dragonlance and thought they were SO funny and SO great. I introduced a friend to them when I was around 11 or 12 and she still reads them at 21. I gave that shit up when I was 14. Some things just need to be retired at a certain point.
Seconding Anne Rice, and Dan Brown. Also, any of those typical 'chick-novels' about Manhattan socialites who have lots of shoes and lots of sex. That anyone willingly publishes that crap amazes me.

>>16
>>That anyone reads this crap after it's been published amazes me.

Fixed.

Proving once again why Del Rey is winning the war for pulp fiction litter, Survivor's Quest is a stunning performance of outstanding mediocrity.

Commencing with the clich Impstar opening for no reason other than to mimic decades-old movies, did seeing Karrde or Terrik's only appearance splash nostalgia on your face?

Matters degrade further with yet another hundredth cantina scene, showcasing nothing more than Mara's personality and combat skills we already know. Mature readers starved for proper stories will ask what point it was. Seasoned readers will spot the pattern of the droideka; events in the beginning full circle back at the end. Dark Tide did this too. Predictable. It therefore came as no surprise the droideka came back in the end.

By midbook you're realising two frogs in the ointment: pure boredom, and not interesting. 2/3rds is actionless chapter after another, heavily conjectural and conversational. You persevere because money was spent, and Exchange work is a one-way deal, hoping the goods pay before Davik Kang comes collecting.

But it just doesn't, as Sauron's Mouth would accent better. Suddenly you have a third left, and intrigue is forgotten in a sudden blaze of silly action scenes as Zahn suddenly unleashes the feeble wizards on aliens whose written format perfectly matches the Conquerors' trilogy Mrachani.

Now, this works two ways. Ugnaught cubs who delight in Jedi sabering the pizza without that irritating pacifist philosophy, dig in boys. The Skywalkers ram-bam brute over brawn. On a Worrt's other leg, they're gunning for you but you need some moralist reflection if violence returned is the only way. Those frustrated with all the Clone War / NJO dithering philosophy, this is a rare exception.

Oh, Zahn tries to intrigue, but after the action fades you never get the explanations owed. Only why the Chiss withheld the feeble wizards' Force performance, and what Chak and the boys were doing with that piece of equipment, and if those revelations dazzled you then I'm Revan's mum.

What exactly were you expecting Outbound Flight was, magical fantasyland of exotic maiden-infested castles? It's a spaceship. They have limited rooms and passageways. Seeing Dreadnought corridors and cargo bays was awesome, wasn't it?

You saw no Outbound habitation levels, or the colonists' harsh environment they had to adapt to. What you saw was ship corridors, fellas, yay!

Known for enticing excitement out of simple events (Thrawn/Conquerors/Icarus Hunt), Zahn failed to excite at all. In the first half, when excitement was sparser than genuine Dalek fear, you have these ridiculous action "moments" he tries to make exciting. The rush of a cable swinging at Luke, Mara monkey-climbing. Pah, might as well kiss Gregor Clegane.

How does seeing an Imperial dominion invoke a sudden rush of career options? You know Mara won't side with the Empire of the Hand. Del Rey knows it. Humphrey B bear knows it, but he's mum on the subject. Her sudden Nostalgic Attack that was barely touched on is as empty of sincerity as Errant Venture's "blushing."

Del Rey's strict formatting demands Luke formally address Threepio as C-3PO each time. Empire of the Hand is a bit long to say each time. If I didn't want a serious read, I'd read Terry Brooks' blatant LOTR plagiarism. Standard Zahnism prose means there's fixed format to speak, think, reflect, and express emotions. It's rigid.

Zahn's subtle anti-female sentiments all but screamed in this book. 3 times Mara is told "Silence, female!" A third, Luke is asked if his female always does his fighting for him. And don't tell me it's the alien's way of talking. Who types the books? The Conquerors' trilogy was rife with this bias. Even his special stormtrooper unit has a male alien, instead of a female.

Since when are Impy stormtrooper composite armour near-blaster-proof? Why did Chak Fel exhibit little page charisma, and is Bullyak the new sow on the block?

You have 4 key parties: Jedi, Imps, Bluey and Geroon. You know the Jedi aren't villains; the Chiss cheeks were written too well, the Chak chaps too bland. Which leaves the hapless Geroons. If the shoulder shot scene didn't give it away, you could see this group just HAPPENED to join the ride, with NO major role in the expedition.

Experienced Zahn readers (Icarus Hunt) will pick up his trick of revealing the truth amidst endless pages of tedious speculation and conjecture. Was it nostalgic to see Luke briefly flying a civilian Delta-12? It could've been a Holden Commodore sedan for all you cared. Whether Car'das's sole mention gets back-developed in the Outbound Flight book, it was boasting with irrelevance here. Feeble Jedi fighting made the wolvkils overrated.

Ragnos' holy breath, how could you say clawcraft, when that was Jaina's slang for it in Ruin, a fighter they only see 3yrs later? A chance to show one "serious threat" from the Unknown Regions is wasted on the Vagaarians, whose scheming is offset by their Medieval weaponry. This is a bridge book suddenly filled with Trade Federation references and battle droids.

His Blueness Thrawn III's possibly being alive is fouled by two gastronomic winds: it's only Mara's speculation; and her opinion it was all a "masterplan." Gathering those parties wasn't a work of geinus in any Clawdite shape, and what forthcoming book will we see this potential Thrawn?

It took two fully armed "Jedi" a full dozen pages to eliminate a single droideka, for the sake of showing drama, not to kill it too quickly.

This was Survivor's Quest. A generic bridge book of wasted potential, transparent intrigue and feeble emotional characterisation.

>>15
Joy Luck club was okay, but way too long for it's own good. Other Amy Tan works are relevant to this topic though. the chinese family tradition vs. modern ideas premise is recycled throughout every book she wrote.

>>15
It was a very entertaining read.
It was good. Enjoyable.
You just suck, that's all.

Harry Harrison. Period.

But I still buy his shit.

Books based on Halo or Warcraft... Even with a ten-foot pole, I wouldn't go anywhere neare them. Without taking into account the fact that they are simply a marketing ploy, the idea of those books even being published is simply insane.

/j.

Well why don't you read them and find out

>>22
I enjoyed Liberty's Crusade and that was based on a starcraft universe. Like the previous poster stated, you'd might enjoy them if you're a fan of the game.

>>23
>>24
Lies and slander.

See above: MARKETING PLOY.

/j.

Dragonlance. Anything by David Eddings (I read only one book, but I read they are all the same). The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan (couldn't even finish the first book).
Any book based on an RPG. especially: From Prussia with Love: A Castle Falkenstein Novel. by John DeChancie, who writes really boring books. Dragonne's egg by Mary Brown Master.

The Scarlet Letter.  Worst fucking book ever.

All those fucking Dune prequels, everything by Terry Brooks and the Waste of Time series by Jordan.

>>Dune prequels

I seriously cried like a hippie for all the trees that were murdered just so Brian Herbert and his ghost writer pal could have their steaming pile of shit immortalized in print.

But being a Dune fan shouldn't I read it just for fun?

Ian Watson, Hard Questions.

Burned quite nicely though, so I guess that's a plus.

>>30
The Bubonic Plague is more fun than the Dune prequels.

>>24
The Starcraft universe can be expanded on.  There is a lot that you can do with it.  The second one was shit, and the third one had some pretty good dialouge up until the end, where it just went to the same old war movie macho shit that's been around since the beginning of time.

Probably anything by Chuck Palahniuk.

-terry brooks and his shannara series: pure shit
-some terry pratchett books (the one playing in an egypt setting for example)
-rhapsody by elizabeth haydon

Anything by Salvatore and David Edding.