Name: VIPPER 2013-08-03 23:02
There was a knock on the door. It was a dry and empty knock, that would send chills down any mans spine, because it was the knocking of bone against wood.
I opened the door, and there she stood: Death.
"Her time has come.", her voice boomed.
"No! Please!", I pleaded. "I'm not done with her yet! She's still good, and I have holes to explore! Let me just rape her corpse for just a little while."
"I wait for no man.", Death stated vacantly.
"Not even for me?"
"Not even for you."
"But I LOVE you, Death.", I pleaded.
"I know."
"You can WATCH us if you want?", I bargained.
"No. That would bring me no excitement."
"Well, how about this? You and I could maybe go out and have dinner, and have a lovely stroll through the park, and then we could go back to my place and simulate having sex. Sounds good?"
"I don't do... ...sex."
"Well, you ARE naked under there, aren't you?", I asked, looking at the crotch of her black robe.
"Well, yes."
"So what if I just lift up your robe a little, and I could thrust against your pelvic bone until I shoot my hot load all through you?"
"I don't do sex. Sex is an act for the living."
"So... ...you've really come for her, huh?"
"Yes. Her time has come."
"You know, I LOVED her. She can't spell for shit, but she has some really nice tits, you know what I mean? I don't think she deserves to die. ...please?"
"Your desires are irrelevant. I have come to claim her."
"Well, what if, you know, you DON'T actually claim her? What if, say, you just walk away and forget her?"
"Then the laws of reality would be broken. She would become a walking corpse - an abomination to existence."
"Well, yes, but you should see her tits. They're really something. They're like two mouthwatering melons."
"There is nothing you can do, mortal."
"Well... ...I love you, Death."
"I love you too, honey."
I watched as my girlfriend used her scythe, and picked up the body and carried it off. She always did this. Pretty much every single woman I've ever met, she picked up after just a couple of dates. I hardly get laid anymore. I guess she considers it cheating on her, but she doesn't have a pussy, so it's kind of hard to stay faithful to her.
I closed the door behind them, and leaned my back against it.
"Fuck."