GUYS! GUYS! THE FUCKING MOONANITES HAVE LEFT /VIP/ AND HAVE INVADED /SJIS/!!!!!!
THEY ARE FUCKING UP THE ART!! SAVE THE BOARD! SAVE THE SOUMEN!!! FOR GOD'S SAKE, SAVE LONG-CAT!
Name:
VIPPER2006-02-28 18:52
Back then, I started having homosexual feelings for a guy from my soccer team. I felt lost as my religion condemns this, and clearly, I was being tempted by the devil. I ran here for help, and many of you offered your prayers. I appreciate that. Clearly though... I did not do my part. May, I started liking Tim. It happened as an accident. After a soccer victory, we were in the locker room at our school. As a school rule, we are not allowed to change in front of each other, but we have to cover ourselves with a towel... this day, as Tim grabbed a clean change of clothes, his towel slipped off and I got a clear view of his [private parts]... although I'd had girlfriends before, the sight of another man's [private parts] seemed to make me feel excited. I was being tempted by the devil. I stared for what seemed like an awkwardly long time, until Tim caught my eye. Surprisingly, he didn't seem to mind having another guy stare at him!
Up till June, thoughts of Tim tormented me... I thought of him at the oddest moments. It didn't help that he had suddenly started talking to me... I ran here for help. However, in July, Tim and I shared a kiss. It all went downhill from there. Also in July, my mom caught Tim and I naked in my room. Mind you, we hadn't done anything sexual yet... but we were naked together. My mom kicked Tim out of my house. We had a conversation in which I told her I was gay. She made me choose between her and homosexuality. I chose homosexuality, and got kicked out of home that day. I was hurt. I loved my mom, but I was so deep in my ways. I rang up Tim and he agreed to let me stay at his house. Now Tim, he lives alone with his mom, who is hardly ever there, and who honestly doesn't pay attention to what goes on in his life... for us at the time, though, this was very convenient. This day, my first day at Tim's house, I commited great sin. Tim and I got sexual, to say it briefly. I found some kind of comfort in Tim, although I knew that my relationship with him was the reason my life had gone downhill and that God condemns homosexuality.
I lived with Tim the rest of the summer. September came, and we started fighting once school started. We went to a private school, and apparently my mom made sure to let the school know I was not living at home. I was not allowed to attend, as part of a school rule. Tim, on the other hand, continued to go to the same school. While Tim worked at school, I was wasting my life. At night, I would go to local gay bars and parties... I'm not going to lie, but I would sometimes sleep with men I had never met before, and used drugs I didn't even know the name of. It's what everyone was doing, and I felt a need to fit in. Eventually Tim and I had our biggest fight, and I left his house.
I had been kicked out of home already, but I had nowhere else to go. Before leaving Tim's house, I asked him to use his phone one last time and called my mom. She agreed to talk to me, so I went home. Mom took me back in but I had to agree to stop seeing men. I lied to my mom. At night, while she slept, I'd sneak out of the house and go back to the bar. I returned to school, a public school this time, but I was a terrible student. I cared more about my sex life than my grades.
I was truly about to fail out of high school. Fortunately, I believe someone out there was praying for me. One day in January, I was about to have sex with a man I had only known for a week, when suddenly, I became shameful of who I was. I can't explain how this happened but I know God was behind it. As quick as I had started getting undressed, I stopped. I could not explain to this man what got into me, but while I still did not find him unattractive, I became too disgusted with myself to go any further. This night was the last night I went to a gay bar. The next week, I went back to church and joined the youth group. While I still had homosexual feelings, I had no desire to act upon them. In April, I confided in my mom and told her I wanted to see a counselor. While she was suspiscious at first, she was very supportive. I've been seeing Anna, my counselor, since then. She's been very supportive and has helped me, along with my youth group, to overcome my feelings. Of course, a great amount of prayer was also at work.
I can say it hasn't been easy, but slowly, I've gotten rid of every homosexual feeling I ever had. I have to admit I've even developed a bit of a crush on Anna... that's the way things work I guess. I truly believe that the Devil's temptation was at work when Tim's towel fell off him, but God has shown me His power and my faith in Him is as solid as a rock.
I felt it was important to share my experience with others, particularly those that offered their support. I hope no one here has to go through this, and if you're in danger, pray to God, and believe in Him, His power never fails.
I am not proud of what I did at all. Particularly, I am not proud of losing my virginity at this point in my life, to a man no less, and then doing it with as many men as I could. However, I look forward to saving myself from now on, and I'll look forward to saving myself for a woman, and making love to my wife the way God meant it. I've also been thinking of making this promise at church with a promise ring, what do you guys think? Or is that for girls only?
As an ending note, I will pray that those like Tim or Eli will be helped by God to see the error of their ways.
Thanks everyone for bearing with me.
Name:
VIPPER2006-02-28 18:52
Oh, for Christ's sake.
Name:
VIPPER2006-02-28 18:52
Back then, I started having homosexual feelings for a guy from my soccer team. I felt lost as my religion condemns this, and clearly, I was being tempted by the devil. I ran here for help, and many of you offered your prayers. I appreciate that. Clearly though... I did not do my part. May, I started liking Tim. It happened as an accident. After a soccer victory, we were in the locker room at our school. As a school rule, we are not allowed to change in front of each other, but we have to cover ourselves with a towel... this day, as Tim grabbed a clean change of clothes, his towel slipped off and I got a clear view of his [private parts]... although I'd had girlfriends before, the sight of another man's [private parts] seemed to make me feel excited. I was being tempted by the devil. I stared for what seemed like an awkwardly long time, until Tim caught my eye. Surprisingly, he didn't seem to mind having another guy stare at him!
Up till June, thoughts of Tim tormented me... I thought of him at the oddest moments. It didn't help that he had suddenly started talking to me... I ran here for help. However, in July, Tim and I shared a kiss. It all went downhill from there. Also in July, my mom caught Tim and I naked in my room. Mind you, we hadn't done anything sexual yet... but we were naked together. My mom kicked Tim out of my house. We had a conversation in which I told her I was gay. She made me choose between her and homosexuality. I chose homosexuality, and got kicked out of home that day. I was hurt. I loved my mom, but I was so deep in my ways. I rang up Tim and he agreed to let me stay at his house. Now Tim, he lives alone with his mom, who is hardly ever there, and who honestly doesn't pay attention to what goes on in his life... for us at the time, though, this was very convenient. This day, my first day at Tim's house, I commited great sin. Tim and I got sexual, to say it briefly. I found some kind of comfort in Tim, although I knew that my relationship with him was the reason my life had gone downhill and that God condemns homosexuality.
I lived with Tim the rest of the summer. September came, and we started fighting once school started. We went to a private school, and apparently my mom made sure to let the school know I was not living at home. I was not allowed to attend, as part of a school rule. Tim, on the other hand, continued to go to the same school. While Tim worked at school, I was wasting my life. At night, I would go to local gay bars and parties... I'm not going to lie, but I would sometimes sleep with men I had never met before, and used drugs I didn't even know the name of. It's what everyone was doing, and I felt a need to fit in. Eventually Tim and I had our biggest fight, and I left his house.
I had been kicked out of home already, but I had nowhere else to go. Before leaving Tim's house, I asked him to use his phone one last time and called my mom. She agreed to talk to me, so I went home. Mom took me back in but I had to agree to stop seeing men. I lied to my mom. At night, while she slept, I'd sneak out of the house and go back to the bar. I returned to school, a public school this time, but I was a terrible student. I cared more about my sex life than my grades.
I was truly about to fail out of high school. Fortunately, I believe someone out there was praying for me. One day in January, I was about to have sex with a man I had only known for a week, when suddenly, I became shameful of who I was. I can't explain how this happened but I know God was behind it. As quick as I had started getting undressed, I stopped. I could not explain to this man what got into me, but while I still did not find him unattractive, I became too disgusted with myself to go any further. This night was the last night I went to a gay bar. The next week, I went back to church and joined the youth group. While I still had homosexual feelings, I had no desire to act upon them. In April, I confided in my mom and told her I wanted to see a counselor. While she was suspiscious at first, she was very supportive. I've been seeing Anna, my counselor, since then. She's been very supportive and has helped me, along with my youth group, to overcome my feelings. Of course, a great amount of prayer was also at work.
I can say it hasn't been easy, but slowly, I've gotten rid of every homosexual feeling I ever had. I have to admit I've even developed a bit of a crush on Anna... that's the way things work I guess. I truly believe that the Devil's temptation was at work when Tim's towel fell off him, but God has shown me His power and my faith in Him is as solid as a rock.
I felt it was important to share my experience with others, particularly those that offered their support. I hope no one here has to go through this, and if you're in danger, pray to God, and believe in Him, His power never fails.
I am not proud of what I did at all. Particularly, I am not proud of losing my virginity at this point in my life, to a man no less, and then doing it with as many men as I could. However, I look forward to saving myself from now on, and I'll look forward to saving myself for a woman, and making love to my wife the way God meant it. I've also been thinking of making this promise at church with a promise ring, what do you guys think? Or is that for girls only?
As an ending note, I will pray that those like Tim or Eli will be helped by God to see the error of their ways.
Thanks everyone for bearing with me.
A year ago the world was mad at me, and I was mad at it, because I coudln't express my emotions. I was totally focused on keeping emotional pain well away from any part of myself that could feel it.
All this sounds like some stupid teen angst post, about how 'no one understands the real me', I don't think that's true. I think that almost everyone has done what I'm doing now - lay in bed, kept awake by feelings of fear or confusion, and looked for a way to reach out and express the feelings inside. I think all we want to do is reach out and really feel like someone is listening, actually understanding what we feel. The hardest thing to do is work all the feeling out all alone. This is where I failed.
For me, the emotions felt overwhemling and unexpressable. They wern't. I went through two periods of drinking at least 3 times a week, and at least once a week heavily. I got into fights. I took risks. I put myself in a hospital. I've even done things that I still can't talk about.
Long and painful story short, my life found me the next morning hugging my knees on the cold floor of the common room, by the refridgerator. All the bad feelings I had been hiding from the past 5 years caught up to me. I was so afriad that I felt I had only 2 options: run as far away as you can, or end the pain. I actually started to pack to leave. My friends got me help. I've been in therapy for 4 months now.