Name: Anonymous 2011-01-12 17:38
MINECRAFT
Butter gets to hang out with the gang, only to end up at the end of a sturdy rope, being lowered down an abandoned well by the four. (Kenny's at the front, then Stan, then Kyle, and then Cartman, who has the rope tied around him and does a fine job leaning with his body weight.)
Stan (holding the rope along with the others): "Can you see anything yet?"
Butters (from down the well): "No, not yet!"
The four lower him down some more.
Butters: "You guys! I-I think I've reached the bottom!"
The four lets go of the rope with a sigh of exhaustion.
Stan to the others: "See, I told you it wasn't bottomless."
The four gather around the well, and you get a shot from within the well of their faces full of excitement.
Kyle: "So what's down there, Butters?!"
Kenny: "Yhh! Mphlphlrphrmh!"
Cartman: "Do you see any jew gold down there?"
Kyle gives him an angry look.
Butters: "... Noo. No jew gold. There's mossy stones, and a lot of old, rusty things, but it's all just junk."
The faces of the four change to disappointed ones.
Butter: "Oh! It's all gooey..."
Stan (disappointed): "Alright, guys: Let's get him back up."
The four try to pull him up again, but pulling him up of the well proves to be a much more difficult task than lowering him.
Stan (to Cartman): "Put some more weight into it, fat ass!"
Finally the four collapses from exhaustion.
Kyle (panting): "We can't do it!"
Stan: "We'll rest for a bit and then have another go."
Kyle: "It's no use. Face it, guys: We have to get help."
Cartman: "Oh-nonono! You guys aren't taking me down with you just because you're too weak."
Kenny: "Mrphlrmrphphh!"
Kyle: "Kenny's right: We can't just leave him there."
Cartman: "'Can't we? Think about it: What will happen to us if we tell our parents that we got Butters stuck down a well? I mean I could probably tell mom that you guys talked me into it, but think about yourselves! ...and if you don't think about yourself, think of Butters. Think of what would happen to Butter if his parents found out about this!"
Cartman talks down into the well: "Butters? What do you say we tell your parents about this?"
Butter: "Ooh, gees, please don't tell my parents! Oh man, I'd be in so much trouble! I'll do anything!"
Cartman (to the others): "See? He's perfectly happy where he is. I know this is a moral dilemma for you guys, but to me it's clear that everybody involved would benefit from just leaving Butters here and telling nobody we've seen him. Just walk away, guys. Just walk away..."
Stan: "Cartman, we're telling our parents whether you like it or not."
Cartman: "Fine! Be that way!" Cartman unties himself from the rope.
Cartman (down into the well): "You're on your own, Butters! I tried talking some sense into them, but they just wouldn't listen."
Cartman: "Screw you guys, I'm going home." Cartman starts to leave.
Kyle (to Cartman): "No, wait!"
Kyle (to Stan): "He's right, Stan: We got Butters into this, and we have to get him out. We have to start taking responsibility for our actions, Stan! We can't just go tell our parents every time we screw up, because usually that only amounts to make things a whole lots worse!"
Stan (shocked at Kyle somehow siding with Cartman): "Wha-? ...but how?"
Kyle: "I dunno. ... I'll think of something."
It turns night at the well. The guys have all left and crickets are chirping.
Butters (from the well): "Guys?"
There's no reply.
Butters (singing): "Lululu, I've got some apples. Lululu, you've got some to..."
Kyles voice: "Hey! Butters!"
Butters (startled): "WAAH!!! Oh, Kyle! Stan! Oh man, am I glad to see you guys. I'm hungry, and it's getting really cold down here."
Stan: "We know, so we snuck out to give you a warm blanket and made you some sandwiches. We also got you a phone so that you can call us if you need anything."
Kyle and Stan starts lowering a big bag with the stuff.
Butters: "Oh, thanks guys! So, have you gotten any idea about what to tell my parents yet?"
Kyle: "Yeah, we all agreed to tell our parents that you were sleeping at a friends house, so you're covered. As for getting you out of there, I've been reading on the internet and I think I have an idea. Some kid named Jessica McClure got stuck in a well once too, and they used something called a 'water jet cutter' to get her out, so we're working on getting one of those, and after that it will just take three days worth of cutting to get you out of there."
Butters: "Three days? But what about school?"
Kyle: "It's okay: We told the teachers you got the swine flu, and your parents that you're studying really hard with a friend."
Butters: "Thanks guys!"
Kyle: "Good night, Butters!"
Butters: "Good night!"
Cut to the following day, where Kyle and Stan surfs the web.
Stan: "I can't believe we aren't telling our parents about this. We can't afford anyone of these water cutters."
Kyle: "It's called 'taking responsibility', Stan. You of all people should know that you have to face the consequences for your actions, and it's the mature thing to do."
Kyle (finishing his clicking of links): "There! That's just what we need, and we can afford it too!"
Stans eyes grow wide.
Cut to Butters sitting in the well, looking a little worn and not as cheerful, sandwich wrappers added to the rusty rubble around him and his blanket all muddy.
Kyle (from topside): "Hey, butters!"
Butters: "WAAH! Oh, hi guys! I sure appreciate you guys helping me out, but could you hurry up a little? You see, there's no toilet down here, and when I have to go, I have to go, so it's getting kinda smelly down here."
Stan, lowering a new bag: "You can keep the blanket, Butters, and we've got more sandwiches and some toilet-paper for you as you wanted, and don't worry, Butters: We've bought some tools to get you out of here."
Butters: "Hooray!"
Topside Stan turns to Kyle and Kenny, Kyle taking his first swings with his shovel, Kenny inspecting their nearby cart loaded with shovels and pickaxes.
Stan facepalms: "I can't believe we're actually doing this."
Kyle: "Taking responsibility, Stan. If we always take the easy way out we'll never learn to take care of our own mess. In the real world you can't just bail out when things get tough. I've seen our parents, Stan, and I don't want to become like them."
Stan (annoyed): "Fine, let's do this."
Slowly the three starts digging a hole beside the well.
Cut to Stan getting home, his clothes all dirty, only to be greeted by an angry mom.
Sharon: "Stan Marsh! I just got off the phone with Butters parents, and he's been missing for a whole week now! You told me that he was over at Kyle's, and apparently Kyle told HIS parents that he was studying at KENNY's house, and Kenny didn't tell his parents anything, but Butters wasn't there either! His parents are starting to worry, so you tell me RIGHT NOW, mister: Where is Butters?!"
Stan: "Calm down, Mom! He's over studying at Cartmans place. Here, I'll get him on the phone." Stan dials a number.
Cut to the well, where Butters sits, looking worn and pale, flies feasting on his pile of poo and toilet-paper, sandwich wrappers strewn all around.
His phone suddenly starts ringing.
Butters: "Waah! Oh, it's the phone."
Butters picks up. "Hello? Oh, hi Mrs. Marsh! Yeah, Butters, that's me. Yeah, I'm fine. Oh boy, it sure is hard studying all day, but luckily I have my friend here to help me out. Isn't that right, friend?"
Butters silently looks around the walls of his confinement for a short moment, not having thought that one through.
Butters: "Yeah, he agrees too. ... Call my parents? Okay. Sure, I can do that. Bye, Mrs. Marsh!"
Butters sighs from exhaustion and shame, and then calls up his parents.
Cut to what has now become a minor dig-site, Kenny using the cart to transport the dirt out of the pit, while groans and shoveling can be heard below.
Stan (exhausted, stopping the digging): "No more! I won't dig another inch! I'm done! My hands are so blistered that my bandages doesn't do anything anymore, and my back is aching so much I can't even sleep at night! This is the worst thing I've ever been through in my LIFE! If you want to prove that you're some kind of man by doing this, you can do this on your own! I just want to go home and live a normal life!"
Kyle: "It's all right, Stan! We're probably deep enough to reach Butters from here. Now we just have to breach through to him. That's just a few inches of cobblestone. Kenny, get the mining picks."
Kenny: "Whoho!"
Stan just looks defeated.
Cut to Butters in the well, lying in the well, looking horribly sick, the flies now having taken a liking to him as well, a small spider crawling cross him. Somewhere faint noises of picks hitting stone and loud cries from pain can be heard from the opening topside. Butters doesn't move, but he's breathing.
Cut to the Hells Pass hospital. Butter is lying in the hospital bed, getting an IV of nutrients, his faithful friends and Cartman gathered around him.
Kyle: "We did it, guys! ...and we did it without involving our parents! We took care of things ourselves! We fixed our own mistakes, just like mature people do! We've finally grown up!"
Butters (exhausted): "Thanks, guys. I don't know what I would have done without you."
Suddenly Butters parents walk in: "THERE you are! What have you been up to, young man?"
Butters: "Oh, hi! Mom! Dad! I can explain!"
Credits roll to the "Talking 'bout Minecraft" song.