C++ or w/e

I will admit that I'm a complete newfag as far as most coding is concerned. I don't like this fact.

That said: Where is a good place to start for someone looking to learn on their own?

Java, C++? What programs are good for it (compiling etc)? Any books I should check out?

Copy paste this into /prog/ for lots of fun and profit!

>>2
No need.

>>1
1) Read SICP
2) Learn LISP
3) ??
4) Satori

OP here, I am quite homosexual so I speak with a lisp, will this help?

>>3
what the hell has child porn got to do with coding?

>>5
SICP Isn't Child Porn

ok I think I just lost all interest in coding