Define life

Just wondering about /sci/'s definition of life. None of that made of cells bullcrap. Bonus points for answers which adequately handle fire, viruses, corporations, and artificial intelligence.

Best answer will recieve a box containing a simulation of a universe whose denizens are just on the verge of discovering that their world is a simulation.

a systematic of observation and false sense of control. I assume everything has consciousness and they thing they control what they do. Like a tree thinks it wants to grow and give fruits. Or a stone thinks to stay there. This illusion is life. Everything that exists are controlled by the same source of -probably- random consciousness/mind force field but since we have no feedback to confirm, we assume multiple identities. And assign totally meaningless definitions to states.
Both my explanation and grammar are terrible here sorry. You can only understand such a situation if you thought about this yourself.