Define life

Just wondering about /sci/'s definition of life. None of that made of cells bullcrap. Bonus points for answers which adequately handle fire, viruses, corporations, and artificial intelligence.

Best answer will recieve a box containing a simulation of a universe whose denizens are just on the verge of discovering that their world is a simulation.

life is motion, without motion is stillness, stillness is death.
life is change, without change is stagnation, stagnation is death.
life is strife, without strife is calm, calm is death.
life is love, without love is hate, hate is death.
-hate is ignorance, negligence, abandonment, and forgetfulness. (ultimate forms of segregation) = death.
life is the sum of pain, without pain is comfort, the ultimate comfort is death.
life is uncertainty, without uncertainty is certainty, certainty is death.
life is truth, without truth is illusion, illusion distracts you from life.
Can you handle life? Some can. Others are more comfortable handling the grip of a pistol as it is pressed at their forehead aimed at their cerebrum squeezing the trigger and feeling the click just before the hammer falls against the firing pin igniting the powder exploding the led bullet in a bright fury down the barrel penetrating skin, skull, and eventually brain tissue blasting its way through to finally rest deep within and cause all life functions of the human body to cease. This too is death.
Death is a part of life. Can you handle the emotion of fear when you think of your own death? Can you be comfortable with uncertainty?
How might it make you feel to know that there are those of us out there that have; how would it make you feel to know that we are doing it right now as you are reading this message?
Is it fear? Is it pain? Is it despair?
Don't worry, it'll all be over VERY soon.
On my 33rd birthday, December 21, 2012.
I look forward to disappointing you.