Define life

Just wondering about /sci/'s definition of life. None of that made of cells bullcrap. Bonus points for answers which adequately handle fire, viruses, corporations, and artificial intelligence.

Best answer will recieve a box containing a simulation of a universe whose denizens are just on the verge of discovering that their world is a simulation.

>>13
You're definition is tempting, but you have left completely unclear what matter that self-replicates and evolves is. It self replicates, so it creates copies of itself. It evolves, so these copies are all different from the original. What then, is a copy? If you break a rock in two, has it self-replicated? They are both rocks, so in a way, yes, and they are both different from the original, so there has been evolution. A definition that allows rocks life under certain interpretations is to my mind unsatisfying.

I realize this may seem like quibbling, but one can easily make the argument the fire does in fact evolve, changing its shape, eating habits, reproductive rate, size, and other factors as its fuel changes, i.e. in response to its environment. I think your definition merely replaces the question of "what is life?" with the question "what is evolution?"