A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying "I differentiate you!"
One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him and said "I differentiate you!", but for once, his victim's expression didn't change. Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly "I differentiate you!", but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out "I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!"
The new patient calmly looked up and said, "You can differentiate me all you like: I'm e to the x."
A constant and ex are walking down the street. They see a differential operator approaching, and the constant panics.
"If he gets any closer, I'll be gone!"
"Fear not, for I am immune. I will distract, while you take cover" ex calmly replies.
As the operator approaches, he says "hello, I'm the partial derivative with respect to y."
Name:
Anonymous2008-06-10 3:21
the peanut was assaulted
Name:
Anonymous2008-06-10 3:50
Most matrices live on campus. In general, they don't commute.
Name:
Anonymous2008-06-10 5:02
a biologist, a physicist and a mathematician are staking out a house. one day, they see two people enter, and the next, they see two people leave. the biologist says "they must have reproduced!". the physicist says "no, our initial observations were incorrect". the mathematician says "if one more person enters that house it will be empty".
Name:
Anonymous2008-06-10 5:10
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The answer has been left to the reader as an exercise.
(Seriously. It looks like a few edits have gayed up the article since I last read it, but it's still great mathematical humor.)
"Classic political fields of infinite tragic characteristic include the Orwell field and the Alderaan field. In 1905, Bertrand Russell proved the existence of a universal political field of tragic infinite characteristic. However, it was not until 1941 that Wilhelm Süss, a German politicomathematician, explicitly constructed this field, which was later termed the Holocaust. Süss constructed the Holocaust using J-transport theory, which allows one to concentrate certain difficult degenerate maps into nilpotent elements."
Two subsets of peanuts P on a space U were in the process of continual deformation in R^3. One had the property x which, if contained in two meanings of the word "salted", would constitute grammatical confusion upon deformation.
It was a philosophical joke, really.
Name:
Anonymous2008-06-11 11:39
Mathematicians
... do it in groups.
... do it in theory.
... take it to the limit.
Name:
Anonymous2008-06-11 15:07
>>9
I....don't get it. Why?
WHY DOESNT i^2 FEEL NEGATIVE SOMEONE TELL ME
Name:
Anonymous2008-06-13 13:18
Two niggers walk into a bar. A few minutes later two more walk in. The bartender kills three of them. Now only one remains.
Name:
Anonymous2008-06-13 14:49
(c+2b)+a+m+p=N
where c=cock, b=ball, p=pussy, a=ass, m=mouth then
N=happy camper pitching his tent and driving his stake!
Name:
Anonymous2008-06-16 16:56
>>7
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I have a truly marvelous answer of this joke that this board is too narrow to contain.
Name:
Anonymous2008-06-16 17:03
Pi tells i to "Get real" while i is telling Pi to "Be rational".
an environmental biologist, a statistician, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench outside of a store.
They see one person go into the store, and then three people exit the store.
The biologist says, "they must be reproducing in there"
the statistician says, "there must be an error in our data"
the mathematician says, "if two more people enter the store, it will be empty"
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"
Two bytes are talking to each other. One says to the other, "I think I have a parity error," to which the other byte responds, "Yeah, you do look a bit off"
Name:
Anonymous2008-07-13 4:29
Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: one to prove existence, one to prove uniqueness, and one to provide a constructive algorithm to do the damn thing.
Name:
Anonymous2008-07-13 4:43
What is an owl's favourite subject?
Owlgebra.
Name:
Anonymous2008-07-13 4:51
What's a mathematician's favourite sport?
Ten-nis
Name:
Anonymous2008-07-14 7:20
√4545=67.41
シコシコ むなしい
Name:
Anonymous2008-07-17 7:27
Penis + Penis ^ Penis log penis(penis)
Name:
am i clever or what2008-07-18 7:01
Why is 6 afraid of 7 and rejected by 5?
Because 7 ate 9 and 5's for 3.
Name:
Anonymous2008-07-19 1:59
>>37
Incorrect. 6 is afraid of 7 because 7 is a nigger.
Name:
Anonymous2008-07-19 3:22
a nigger mathematician, a kike biologist and a chink physicist are having drinks at a bar the nigger gets up to use the bathroom after hes been gone a few minutes the kike and chink get impatient and go to see whats taking him so long in there only to find that he has vanished