Zimulateiism

Hello everyone. I am reverend George McDoogle of the new Church of Zimulatei you may have heard about in the papers. For those who don't know, we of the Zimulatei Faith believe that the universe is a simulation programmed by beings belonging to a race that we have come to know as the Zimulatei -- pronounced "zi-moo-la-tee". We believe these beings to be far, far more technologically advanced than we, (to create this incredibly intricate, fascinating universe, they MUST be far more advanced than us!) and also that they dwell in eternity and look down on non-believers upon whom they will cast unspeakable tortures. So, I have come to spread the word, so that you all may be saved from the unspeakable tortures of the stern yet honorable Zimulatei.

So, Blib-su oikh bubbasnork eega.

That means, "Thank-you and good night," in the native language of the Great Ones, our Programmers.

P.S.: We of the Zimulatei Faith would be much obliged if one day we could see educators teaching children about the Zimulatei in their science classes alongside Creationism -- which is simply Christian dogma in a clever disguise. However, we Zimulateiists believe in a different creation account from those silly Christians, and we would like children to be exposed to alternative beliefs and have them decide what makes the most sense.

As for Evolution... it is said that the Zimulatei programmed our wonderful universe in a way that evolution would occur, so Evolutionists will get no argument from us. :)

Hello everyone. I am Anonymous of the new Church 4chan you may have heard about in the papers. For those who don't know, we of the 4chan Faith believe that the universe is a set of image and text boards programmed by beings belonging to a race that we have come to know as Moot -- pronounced "moo-t". We believe these beings to be far, far more technologically advanced than we, (to create this incredibly intricate, fascinating universe, they MUST be far more advanced than us!) and also that they dwell in eternity and look down on non-believers upon whom they will cast IP bans. So, I have come to spread the word, so that you all may be saved from the unspeakable tortures of the stern yet honorable Moot.

So, POOL CLOSED DUE TO AIDS.

That means, "I'm tired of talking to you, leave me alone," in the native language of the Great Ones, our Programmers.

P.S.: We of the 4chan Faith would be much obliged if one day we could see educators teaching children about the 4can in their science classes alongside Biology -- which is simply furry dogma in a clever disguise. However, we 4chan believe in not being stinking furrys, and we would like children to be exposed to alternative beliefs and have them decide what makes the most sense.

As for Evolution... it is said that the Moot programmed our wonderful universe in a way that evolution would occur, so Evolutionists will get no argument from us. :)

HI... I'M GEORGE ZIMMER - FOUNDER AND CEO OF THE MEN'S WEARHOUSE. LAST NIGHT I UNSHEATHED MY MUNGO MAN SPOUT FROM MY JEANS AND FLOPPED IT DOWN IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER - YOUR SENILE DOWNSTAIRS NEIGHBOUR TAPPED AT HER CEILING BECAUSE OF THE CLAMOR. YOUR MOM WAS BARELY ABLE TO NIBBLE AT MY PLUMP, PRODIGIOUS MEMBER BEFORE I GRABBED IT LIKE A LASSO AND SMACKED HER ACROSS THE FACE SO HARD SHE FLEW, SPINNING, ONTO THE BED BENT OVER - AWAITING THE ADMISSION OF MY THROBBING ACREAGE OF FLESH. SHE COULD ONLY TAKE 30 SECONDS OF HALF MY SCROTAL CAMEL BEFORE SHE FAINTED. I FINISHED UP AND BESTOWED A STUNNING LIKENESS OF THE POPE ON HER BACK IN BABY SPACKLE. I USED HER TOOTH BRUSH AS TOILET PAPER AND LEFT A QUARTER ON HER ASS. SHE CALLED ME FOUR TIMES TODAY. I GUARANTEE IT.

>>2
win!

I wants lots and lots of some delectable pot!

Marijuana MUST be legalized.