femsort - Feminist Sorting

FemSort.Xe
 
/* The concept of 'sorting' things
*has long been a cornerstone of patriarchal
*discrimination against women and PoC.
*To 'sort' objects according to some percieved 'value'
*is morally wrong and oppressive. Therefore a
*truly feminist algorithm cannot be based upon
*comparing values of 'objects'. Feminist sorting
*algorithms have to take various things into
*consideration: gender, race, the program's feelings
*and the current make-up of the objects to be sorted.
*To implement this, we use a progressive stack with
*added affirmative action.
*/
 
# consider <feelings.Xir>
# consider <iomegaphone.Xir>
# consider <Dworkin.Xir>
# consider <progressive_stack.Xir>
# consider <Affirmative_Action.Xir>
# define MEN oppressive
 
xe womain(xe *Unique_person[])
{
        CheckPrivilege(); //Always check your privilege
        CheckPrivilege(); //Better check it twice
        xe sorted_unique_people=progressive_stack(xe *Unique_person[]); //construct the
                                                                                                                                        //progressive stack
        among (person p : Unique_person){
                if(p.gender==male && p.orentation==het_cis_scum){
                        yell('RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE!!!!!');
                        crush(p); //Use the function crush in Dworkin.Xir to discard the oppressor
                }
                else {
                ynt q = accepts(guilt_feel(p.oppression)); //measure the oppression level according to
                                                                                  //the function guilt_feel in feelings.Xir
                sorted_unique_people[q]=accepts(p); //assign every wonderful person a place in the new stack
                }
                if(feels==right) {
                affirmative_action(&sorted_unique_people) //If the progrym feels like it, it will
                                                                                                  //use affirmative action to make the sorting more fair.
                                                                                                  //The actual affirmative action algorithm is poorly understood,
                                                                                                  //but DON'T MESS WITH IT! IT IS FAIR!
                }
        }
        return sorted_unique_people;
}

Meanwhile on /g/.

``The feminist fizzbuzz was HILARIOUS guise! Let's write some more!''
``More what?''
``More programs.''
``Like another fizzbuzz?''
``I only know how to write fizzbuzz, fibs and hello, world. Sorry guys I only just started programming like 12 years ago.''
``Same here. I'll dig through that old PDF of K&R I never read for some algorithms.''

Later.

``Okay guys. I implemented sort. Here it is.''
``Cool! but it's not working for me.''
``Oh, well, it's not supposed to work, because women are dumb lol.''
``Fuckin genius! Now let's implement fibs, but we'll call it feels, because women have feelings!''
``LOL!!! I like the way you think anon. Now let's change all the dots to the word PERIOD.''
``Or how about MYNSTRATION!''
``OMG I JUST SPIT MOUNTAIN DEW ALL OVER MY MECHANICAL KEYBOARD.''