Wife is a fat, lazy stoner

My personal life is a living nightmare. I have been married 27 years, have three kids and am eligible for retirement in one month. My wife is 130 pounds overweight, smokes pot all day, is slovenly, lazy, has been sexually dysfunctional for the last 12 years and has no interest in keeping a clean house. Our two cats and one dog roam freely inside and out. Cat fur is all over everything, including food stuffs in the kitchen, stuck to grease on the stovetop, on the floor, etc. She is in a major depression and completely out of reality, unable to function normally, and shows no interest in anything other than to make sure I get something to eat each day. What happens when I retire?

The professional way to do this, is rent your wife as a prostitute, or sell her off to the highest brothel. The cats you give them off to a local shelter or cat lover, the dog you keep. Then you set out on a journey to do the things you wanted as a kid, mark it as your bucket list, and enjoy your life.

You will not regret living your dreams again. The truth is, you never retire, you only grow older, and have to put on dentures to eat.