Free Software Revolution

Cambridge, MA - The Free Software Foundation has taken up arms against proprietary software.

"The time to eradicate the evils of proprietary software has come," said founder Richard Stallman. "We've tried propping up this failed model within a capitalist society. We failed. A socialist revolution is needed before all peoples can benefit from the glory of free software."

It is estimated that free software comprises almost 0.015% of the software market, while the FSF demands that number be 100%. The Free Software Foundation is known for it's grandiose demands and opposition to pragmatism, but this is the first time that they have followed through with their threats of extreme violence.

"Dez white folkz aint got shit betta to do than be steppin over sum dum shiznit like dat? Niggaz be trippin! Imma send muh homeboyz down to yallz hood and fuck yo ass up!," said President Obama in a press conference. "Iz up her' tryin to run da econozimy and shiznit and dez niggaz be tryin to fuck wid my homiez at Mycrosuft and Ourekle. Hell nah that shit aint gunna fly muddafuckaz. Dat aint how we roll on Pinsylvanuh Uhveanue yall bitch ass niggas you heard me." The president has since deployed hundreds of thousands of troops to around the country to restore order.

"Free software has no future," software and military expert Jacob Silverstein of Goldman-Sachs predicts. "These dorks are going to be shot down like dogs. Most of these losers haven't left their house in months. It's simply delusional for them to think that they could stop progress."

"It's important for national security that software is strictly controlled through the official channels," Redacted Redacted, NSA spokesperson said. "There is absolutely no good reason for a person to want to view source code. Also, computer errors can be dangerous. It's a task best left to the professionals, to stop terrorist, hackers, and pedophiles from exploiting the many security holes in amateur products like 'Linux'", the spokesperson added with exaggerated air quotes.

Thus far, the FSF has failed to do any significant damages, economic or otherwise, but billions of dollars and hundreds of people have been killed as collateral damage from the conflict. Senator Chris Bradley was found to be sleeping with every male aide on his staff after he voiced his horror at the bloodshed, distancing others from his cause. Since then, there has been no opposition in Congress.

What sort of arms? I want a katana flamethrower.

I want a danmaku firing girl in a frilly dress.

>>2
A gun that shoots knives. It was designed by the GNU project for over thirty years. It is just as incomplete as it's operating system, Hurd, though, so it's almost completely ineffective. Free Software Fighters are mounted units that ride on castrated gnus. The stench is unbearable to most and gives away their position to anyone in a ten mile radius.

When annulling vows and oaths before Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, a husband may annul them on behalf of his wife.

Which Child Should Hold the Candle?

Monday, August 19, 2013/Elul 13, 5773



13th Elul, is the day of the passing of M"R Hakham Yosef Hayyim, zy'a"a, the Ben Ish Hai. When Hakham Yosef Hayyim, 'a"h, was about eight years old, he and his sister were arguing as to who should hold the candle for the Habdalah on Saturday night. Their father, Hakham Eliyahu Hayyim, 'a"h, turned to his young son Yosef and told him that if his reason for holding the candle was for mere pleasure, then his sister should take precedence, because she was the younger one. If, on the other hand, it was because he had a deeper understanding of the meaning of Habdalah, then he could be the one to hold it.

Can a Relative Annul Vows?

Wednesday, August 7, 2013/Elul 1, 5773

Annulling vows (Hattarath Nedarim), must be done by a Beth Din of three men. Even though a Beth Din ordinarily may not include relatives of the one appearing before them, annulling vows is different. Since no judgment is actually passed, the three who are sitting to annul the vows, may include a relative of the one who is requesting that his vow be annulled.

This applies to annulments done on behalf of an individual. If it is for the congregation, however, the annulment may be done on Shabbath, even if it is not for the purpose of Shabbath. This is because the entire community gathers in the Synagogue on Shabbath and the annulment can take place. If it would not be done on Shabbath, the people would not come during the week and the annullment could not take place.

The Shekhinah and the Ben Ish Hai's Voice

Sunday, August 18, 2013/Elul 12, 5773

During the four special Shabbathoth (Shabbath Shubah, Haggadol, Zakhor & Kallah), the Ben Ish Hai, Hakham Yoseph Hayyim, 'a"h,  had the Zekhuth to be the only Hakham in his city of Baghdad, to give a Derasha. He would stand there speaking, while wearing his Tallith Gadol (Sissith), for approximately four hours. This took place in the "Slat Il Kbiri" (the Great Synagogue). According to some reports, as many as 10,000 people would assemble inside and around the Synagogue, to hear him. His Derashoth were a combination of homilies, stories and Halakha. When he spoke, his voice would resonate throughout the Synagogue. Even in old age, the enormous crowd could hear his voice.

Making an Oath Not to Keep a Commandment

Rabbi Ya'aqob Menashe

If one makes an oath (Shebu'ah), not to keep a commandment specified in the Torah, such as Sissith (ציצית), Tefillin (תפלין), or Massah (מצה), it is considered a Torah transgression, because it was an oath that was made in vain. As such, one is still obligated to perform the commandment.

Vows and oaths may be annulled at night. Even though judgments may not be issued at night, we mentioned previously that no judgments are delivered in this case and, therefore, it is permitted. For the same reason, certain vows and oaths are permitted to be annulled, even on Shabbath.

If One Waited Intentionally Between Qiddush and the Meal

Friday, August 16, 2013/Elul 10, 5773

We mentioned that after Qiddush the meal should be eaten right away ( http://www.atorahminute.com/2013-08-09 ). It should be noted, however, that there are those who are of the opinion that even if one intends to eat the meal an hour or two after the Qiddush, one has still fulfilled one's obligation. Because of this, even if one deliberately delays eating after the Qiddush, one should not recite the blessings again, because whenever there is a difference of opinion (doubt) about blessings, we do not recite them. As such, if this happens at night, before starting the meal one should say the blessing of the Qiddush in one's mind, or say it loudly without mentioning G-d's Name and Kingdom.

Mistakenly Believing Something Is Forbidden
Monday, August 5, 2013/Ab 29, 5773
If someone accepted that something permitted was forbidden, because he was under the impression that the Halakha was such, but later discovered that it was perfectly permissible, it is considered to be a Neder (vow) made in error. In such a case, it is as if nothing happened, and no annulment of vows is required.

If there were not three men present to do the annulment, but were instead two men who were great Torah scholars, the vow or oath is not annulled.

Ki Thesei: Returning All Lost Sheep

Thursday, August 15, 2013/Elul 9, 5773

לא תראה את שור אחיך או את שיו נדחים והתעלמת מהם השב תשיבם לאחיך "You shall not see your brother's ox or sheep go astray, and turn a blind eye; you shall surely return them to your brother" (Debarim 22:1).



The Torah commands us to be exceedingly particular about returning a lost item to its owner. One should not say, "Why should I care, he should take better care of his possessions". Rabbenu Bahyei states that this comes to teach us that we are all one people, with one Father, and that everyone should be concerned about the well-being of his friend and his possessions.