Reduce size of compiled binary

Hey /prog/, I'm making a remote control tool that works over Tor  because reasons.
But Tor itself weights 3Mio and my final executable is over 1Mio upx'd.
I'm compiling in plain C with Visual'12, have activated all the size optimisation but it's not enough. The client must be able to transfer itself over the network very fast and fit even on small embeded systems.

So do you know of any methods to reduce size further, or any packer better than UPX ? I don't care if it makes my code really slow, but size is critical.

Yes, this always works for me. If you are using linux, add these arguments to the gcc:

--fvomit-framepointer --gmark-of-the-beast

Recompile the source and when its ready, transfer the compiled binary to a floppy disk. Take the floppy and place it on the floor in the center of your room. Wait for the next full moon, and then surround the floppy with ten lit candles, tracing out a circle of radius 666mm. Once the candles are going, go out into the night and slaughter a goat. Bring the corpse back to your room, and empty its blood unto the floppy drive. Carefully smear the blood to form a pentagram that links the even index candles in the circle. Quickly, before the blood dries, collect a bundle of dry brush and grasp it firmly in your hand. On the stroke of midnight, touch the brush to a candle in the circle to ignite it and hold the brush over the blood-soaked floppy, and begin chanting:

``Eater of redundancy, preserver of entropy, come and feast, feast tonight...''

The goat blood will begin to smoke and melt partially into the floor. The smoke will rise and circle within the room, turning grey, dark green, and then bright orange. At this point, raise your hands into the air, still holding the burning brush, and yell:

``COME FEAST, EATER OF REDUNDANCY. COME AND FEAST TONIGHT!''

Very suddenly, all lights will be extinguished save for the candles in the circle and the smoke will envelope the room. Two piercing red eyes will open on the ceiling and paralyze you. You must quickly fight the paralysis and hold the beheaded goat up to the demon as on offering BEFORE THE MOUTH APPEARS, or you will be devoured instead. His powerful tongue will penetrate the goat. You'll feel it riping the body apart from within, pulling the raw muscles from the bones and sucking the stomach dry. After the initial frenzy, let the demon pull the goat up to its jaws, and after he is satisfied say the words:

``Grand eater of redundancy, I present thee with data. I humbly request you eat the binary, and preserve the data''

The candles and goat blood soaked floppy will begin to hover in the air and tumble slowly in a circle. The evil master's eyes pierce into the floppy, burning its magnetic tape. Wait for the process to complete.

This next step is very important. After eating the redundant data, the red eyes will close in on you. Hold up the severed goat head and the demon (he isn't very smart) will take the goat's body instead of yours. The goat head will become animated and disgruntled, so take it outside and leave it in the street. The birds will pick it over and eventually release the demon so he may return home.

Once the chaos has subsided, pick up the brunt floppy and recover the remaining data. This will form the compressed image that you can release as your final product. The only downside is your customers will have to repeat the ritual to get the demon to vomit the original data for them.