What have you done to fuck a Touhou today?

I went looking for the portal Gensokyo, but I was frustrated by police once again. I can feel it in my hip that the portal is in the second floor girls restroom of the elementary school across town, but they conspire to keep me out.

Help?

I want to molest Flan, then tell Sakuya about it so her and Remi torture me for years until I die.