Perl challenge

Perl is beautiful
It's just that usually people use Perl for some quick reg ex hacks and just throw some ugly code together fast to get the job done. So people just Perl on this.

Perl gives you the option to code however you want. I challenge you to post Perl code that cannot be made beautiful.

>>1


use strict;
use warnings;

my $original = 'I want this mutated, on Perl before 5.14';
my $substituted = $original;
$substituted =~ s/want/don't want/;
print "$substituted, so I have to clone the string like a retard\n";

Also, its native arrays are retarded, and every fucking array function is destructive. The built-in exception handling mechanisms, eval and $@, are laborious and brittle, and don't get me started on that hand-wavy 'context' shit.

It does have proper lexical scoping, though, which is more than many other languages can say.