How do I best hide the fact that I'm a failure at life and I've been too lazy to put my programming skills to work so far from these guys, and get them to give me money and move to gay francisco?
YC doesn't really care about experience so much as ideas. Most of their startups fail so they don't even bother trying to ensure their success. The money they lose is chump change compared to what they gain when one takes off. It's really not that much money: $60K/year split between two or more founders and the cost of operation ain't shit. They do it mainly for the prestige of being a Silicon Valley ``insider''.
If you're lazy though, you may want to reconsider. I received an investment once and blew it all before I finished writing barely anything. Yeah, it's free money if you want to take the moral low ground, but I felt like shit, and it could potentially sued for investment fraud and go to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.