Prog

How do I learn how to program or atleast comprehend what the fuck is going on when someone writes out a code?

Keep in mind I literally know nothing about anything dealing with programming, absolutely nothing, I don't even know what it does or can do.

Read this book and do the exercises.
http://mitpress.mit.edu/sicp/full-text/book/book.html

Download this Scheme implementation to complete the exercises.
http://www.gnu.org/software/mit-scheme/