How can I make some money?

I can program. Why does it have to complicated to get some fucking jobs, do them and get paid for it?

Is there anything anywhere I can develop that pays the bills without having to invest years and tens of thousands of dollars in formal education?

Unlikely. Most companies require a CS degree or equivalent just to be interviewed for a Java.NET Enterprise Beans codemonkey position. You might have better luck being hired at some ``start-up'' without formal education, but don't expect much more than a toilet scrubber's salary.