Any decent modern general-purpose languages?

Assembly: Unportable. No standardised syntax.
Classical Visual Basic: Some good parts. Shit overall.
C: Shitty standard library. Deficient type system. Can't into Unicode. ``Unportable assembly.''
D and C++: Obfuscated boilerplate languages.
Java and C#: Forced OOP.
Common Lisp: Archaic cons-based library. Writing complex macros is a PitA due to the unlispy quotation syntaxes.
Scheme: CL without namespaces.
Clojure and Erlang: Concurrency is unneeded outside of a few very specific applications. Parallelism is where it's at.
OCaml: Great language, only one, deficient, implementation.
Haskell: Academic sex toy.
Forth: Reinventing the wheel over and over.
Ruby: Implicit declarations. Slow as fuck.
Python: Implicit declarations. FioC.
Perl: Brain damage.
PHP: Pretty much shit.
JavaScript: "" == false

It's impossible to list them all but, please, what decent modern general-purpose languages exist?

Cudder is killing /prog/ as always. I don't want to park my car in her cudder anymore.

>>265
// ==UserScript==
// @name           /prog/ cleaner
// @description    Decudder
// @namespace      http://dis.4chan.org/prog/
// @include        http://dis.4chan.org/*;;
// @version        1.0
// ==/UserScript==

(function() {
    var posts = document.getElementsByClassName('post');
    for (var i = posts.length - 1; i >= 0; --i) {
        var trip = posts[i].getElementsByTagName('span')[4];
        if (trip.textContent == '!MhMRSATORI!FBeUS42x4uM+kgp' ||
            trip.textContent == '!MhMRSATORI!fR8duoqGZdD/iE5' ||
            trip.textContent == '!MhMRSATORI!vzR1SbE7g/KHqrb')
            posts[i].parentNode.removeChild(posts[i]);
    }
})();

He changes secure trips occasionally,^† so expect to adjust accordingly.

________________
^† sqlite> select count(*), trip from posts where author = 'Cudder ' group by trip order by count(*) desc;
204|!MhMRSATORI!FBeUS42x4uM+kgp
61|!MhMRSATORI!fR8duoqGZdD/iE5
31|!MhMRSATORI!vzR1SbE7g/KHqrb
9|!MhMRSATORI
1|!MhMRSATORI!cbCOMSATORIM/pr