Any decent modern general-purpose languages?

Assembly: Unportable. No standardised syntax.
Classical Visual Basic: Some good parts. Shit overall.
C: Shitty standard library. Deficient type system. Can't into Unicode. ``Unportable assembly.''
D and C++: Obfuscated boilerplate languages.
Java and C#: Forced OOP.
Common Lisp: Archaic cons-based library. Writing complex macros is a PitA due to the unlispy quotation syntaxes.
Scheme: CL without namespaces.
Clojure and Erlang: Concurrency is unneeded outside of a few very specific applications. Parallelism is where it's at.
OCaml: Great language, only one, deficient, implementation.
Haskell: Academic sex toy.
Forth: Reinventing the wheel over and over.
Ruby: Implicit declarations. Slow as fuck.
Python: Implicit declarations. FioC.
Perl: Brain damage.
PHP: Pretty much shit.
JavaScript: "" == false

It's impossible to list them all but, please, what decent modern general-purpose languages exist?

>>258
>"educated" is more akin to "brainwashed with the beliefs of the academics"
Hahahahah oh wow. Sure, reality is brainwashing, and all the processors operate otherwise because all the engineers Intel and AMD employ are unaware of the scientific breakthroughs a special brain dead piece of shit made in his basement. Clearly no one was aware that one CISC operation could do more in a slower run on a system that couldn't scale, and no one analysed that it ended up being overall much much slower than running multiple commands on a fast architecture, they must all have put CISC->RISC subsystems on modern x86 processors out of sheer ignorance! If only they had employed a clinically retarded turd nugget who thought understanding one CISC operation doing more was an expression of genius and relevant, one that couldn't imagine these concepts are really simple to non-retarded folk and his intellectual humiliation came from not understanding the facts! All these people brainwashed by "logic" and "mathematics" will never have your vision, will they, retard? Oh, and these aren't insults, I am making factual statements as I always do.

Enjoy your cold hard ownage.