Any decent modern general-purpose languages?

Assembly: Unportable. No standardised syntax.
Classical Visual Basic: Some good parts. Shit overall.
C: Shitty standard library. Deficient type system. Can't into Unicode. ``Unportable assembly.''
D and C++: Obfuscated boilerplate languages.
Java and C#: Forced OOP.
Common Lisp: Archaic cons-based library. Writing complex macros is a PitA due to the unlispy quotation syntaxes.
Scheme: CL without namespaces.
Clojure and Erlang: Concurrency is unneeded outside of a few very specific applications. Parallelism is where it's at.
OCaml: Great language, only one, deficient, implementation.
Haskell: Academic sex toy.
Forth: Reinventing the wheel over and over.
Ruby: Implicit declarations. Slow as fuck.
Python: Implicit declarations. FioC.
Perl: Brain damage.
PHP: Pretty much shit.
JavaScript: "" == false

It's impossible to list them all but, please, what decent modern general-purpose languages exist?

>>12
I was talking about defining a function inside another function and then returning it.
This inner function has access to the scope of the outer function, so you can do something like this:
def a(b):
    def c(d):
        return b + d
    return c

f = a(3)
print f(2) # 5
print f(3) # 6
g = a(6)
print g(2) # 8
print f(2) # still 5
As you can see, the inner function closes over the variables in the outer one, thus ``closure''.

Basically, anything you could do with a lambda, you can also do with a standard function.