A few years ago I was watching TV with a few other people in my college dorm lounge. A commercial for the Pentium II came on. That prompted one of the girls to ask everyone, "Ok, what the heck does that Pentium thing DO in a computer, anyway?"
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I received a call from a woman. She had been told in a previous call that her computer was infected by a trojan virus and wanted to know where to begin disinfecting the computer. I asked her what software she was using, but she sounded a little confused. After a few minutes, I learned that she had dismantled her computer and was preparing to wipe everything down with Lysol, a disinfecting cleaner.
It took me another minute to compose myself and try to tell her to stop before she ruined her computer. I don't know if she did, as I never heard from her again -- and it took me ten minutes to stop laughing.
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One night working at technical support, this old lady called and told me that she received our disk and said that she's afraid of it.
Tech Support: "Well ma'am, there is nothing to be afraid of. It's for your computer."
Customer: "Well, I don't have a computer. The directions say 'install and run'. I'm too old to run."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, could you please hold?"
I need a brief pause to scream with laughter.
Tech Support: "Ma'am, I can assure you that you are ok."
Customer: "Ok. Should I call the police?"
Tech Support: "No, ma'am, just throw it away."
Customer: "Well, there is a silver thing that slides across, and it clicks. What is that?"
Tech Support: "It is safe to throw it away. It's for a computer, ok?"
Customer: "But is this a bomb?"
Tech Support: "No, ma'am, just throw it away."
Customer: "Now?"
Tech Support: "Yes, if you like."
Customer: "Son, you saved my life! Thank you, and have a nice day."
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Student: "Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?"
Computer Teacher: "In order to use Arabic language in Windows, you must install an Arabic graphic card. So I don't think we could do that."
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We have one customer who is notorious in the tech support department. We all dread getting a call from her. She is truly stupid when it comes to a computer.
Tech Support: "Ok, you are in C:\WINDOWS. We need to get to the A: drive. So type 'A' colon and press enter."
Customer: "'A'? What's an 'A'?"
Tech Support: "It's the first letter of the alphabet. 'A' like apple."
Customer: "Ummm...what's an 'A'? I don't know what it is."
Tech Support: "Grade school, remember? The letter 'A'?"
Customer: "Oh, ok. Where is that?"
Tech Support: "Left side of the keyboard. Next to the 'S'."
Customer: "Ok...I think I found it. What do I do?"
Tech Support: "Press it. See what happens."
Customer: "Ok, I've got an 'A' now."
Tech Support: "Now press the colon. It's next to the 'L' key."
Customer: "How do I get it?"
Tech Support: "Hold down the 'shift' key."
Customer: "How to you spell that?"
Tech Support: "S-H-I-F-T. You have two of them. Near the space bar. Hold that down and press the colon."
Customer: "I can't find the colon."
Tech Support: "It's to the right of the 'L'."
Customer: "How do I get it?"
Tech Support: "Hold the shift key and press the colon key."
Customer: "Oh, ok...I think I've got it."
Tech Support: "Good, now hit 'enter'."
Customer: "Where's that?"
This whole conversation of two commands took almost an hour. I have no idea how this lady ever made enough money to buy a computer. It amazes me how someone can forget the alphabet. She's nice, but she's amazingly dumb.