I am completely autistic. Just teach me how to program. Give me something to read (not SICP) and I will read it. The end goal of all the reading is to be able to program. Teach me how. Thank you /prog/nauts.
First thing's first: decide on a language. Depending on what you actually plan to do with your shiny new programming knowledge, certain languages are better than others. When deciding you also have to consider your OS - for example you DO NOT want to use C# for Linux programming, but if you're running Windows it's certainly an option. I would recommend going to a whole bunch of different tutorials for all sorts of languages, reading the first couple pages of each one, and seeing which you like best. Don't get raped.