I am a C Programmer

Yes. I'm a C programmer. So? I don't see a problem. I embraced my UNIX soul long ago and I am happy together with my compiler (who is a cute layered front/backend design!). We have a fucking lot of functions in and outside of the kernel and I am pretty compact and resource conserving.

But thanks anyway asshole. Go and beat off to your stupid garbage collection shit while I #INCLUDE <stdio.h> with my preprocessor.

http://rosettacode.org/wiki/Category:Order
Order is a high-level, functional programming language implemented entirely using the C preprocessor. It provides a full programming language for metaprogramming in C (or any other environment where the C preprocessor can be used). A debugging environment and line-by-line evaluator are also included. Rather than building a library of macros to solve specific metaprogramming problems individually, Order-PP implements a continuation-based virtual machine which then interprets the high-level Order language.
Order is based primarily on lambda calculus, and is vaguely similar in semantics to languages such as ML or Scheme, offering first-class functions with partial application, lexical scope, first-class continuations, arbitrary-precision arithmetic, and built-in operators for compound types.
http://chaos-pp.cvs.sourceforge.net/viewvc/chaos-pp/order-pp/example/bottles.c?view=markup
ORDER_PP
(8let((8B, 8fn(8N,
        8cond((8greater(8N, 1),
            8separate(8N, 8quote(bottles)))
            (8equal(8N, 1),
            8quote(1 bottle))
            (8else,
            8quote(no more bottles))))),
    8for_each_in_range
    (8fn(8N,
        8print(8ap(8B, 8N) (of beer on the wall,) 8space
            8ap(8B, 8N) (of beer,) 8space
            (take one down, pass it around,) 8space
            8ap(8B, 8dec(8N)) (of beer on the wall.))),
    100, 1)))