Learning java for [b][i][o][u]-programmers

Some hot chick I want to get to know is studying Java at university and struggling, and, understandably, I feel a sudden urge to be an expert at the subject. What's the least painful way to learn Java for someone who knows python, haskell, scheme, bbcode, C and x86_64 assembly?

>>3
No, I'm self-taught and working.

>>5,7,8
Of course I could just google it and find something reasonably good and learn from that, I was just wondering if anybody knew anything good for someone who already knows the all the concepts. Something along the lines "Sorry for how much this language sucks, but here's how you do X in idiomatic Java."

Here's my löb as proof, btw:
löb ∷ Functor φ ⇒ φ (φ α → α) → φ α
löb x = result where result = fmap ($ result) x