Assembly would be a soft shôta penis.
C would be an average penis.
C++ would be a disgusting huge smelly black dick.
Scheme would have his pubic hair trimmed and his piss would taste like apple juice (note that its body isn't diabetic).
Perl would be a futa's spiral-shaped penis.
PHP would be a normalfag's disgusting dick, full of smegma and even more loathsome than C++.