Web Scale: Tools vs Architecture

In the advent of the term "WebScale" SQL and NoSQL fanboys have been going back and forth between each other in the fight for consumer trust. Indirectly, developer usage. Flame war after flame war on countless forums has finally forced me to spark the question:

Are there truly any webscale tools, or are there only webscale architectures?

I believe most of the people here have seen the video "MongoDB is webscale": http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/6995033/mongo-db-is-web-scale

The SQL: MySQL
The NoSQL: MongoDB

While I'm not siding with either, I find both are flawed. The joins & writes to disk that mysql uses cause massive issues once a site begins to excel into web notoriety. At the same point... MongoDB doesn't actually write anything, everything is stored in memory, and if something happens to your server or you have an issue writing to disk.. your fucked. In both cases neither MySQL or MongoDB server as being reliable or dependable.

Even more hate than SQL vs NoSQL... PHP versus say.. Ruby or Python has received an even bigger onslaught. I've seen people type out "PHP isn't webscale" without any explanation at all, or check out __________ more in than last day, than I've seen explanations of why PHP isn't webscale in the last 2 years when the term webscale first started being used. Even more depressing is seeing the very same developers go on and on about the epic failure that PHP is, then turn right back around and point out that they're absolute wizards with popular scripts like Joomla, Wordpress, PHP ProBid, Drupal, and osCommerce. Or look on Alexia and see that a lot of the biggest names in the web industry are still using PHP and very proud of it. Or looking at RoR driven sites like the ones found here: http://www.softwaredeveloper.com/features/best-ruby-on-rails-061307/

And come to the startling realization that most of them, at best, serve a few small flat files. The biggest name most recognized here is twitter. And at the point in time "name", "date", "string of 150 characters or less"... becomes a massive accomplishment. WTF. I mean.. Just WTF. Facebook with all it's user interaction runs PHP without a hint of lag... twitter... RoR... and does next to nothing by comparison. But then again Facebook is built it's PHP to read from MySQL to read from over 4,000 shards: http://www.marketingpilgrim.com/2011/07/will-facebook-need-to-start-network-from-scratch.html

- Personal note: I have no doubt in my mind that if Facebook was using RoR & MongoDB they'd be all over sites like highscalabity.com, as is, they get 3 posts this year. 1 didn't even talk about architecture or scale but only Cassandra, which managaes the MySQL shards.

So far, behind every flame, and post directing a developer to another language... the only thing I've seen are webscale tools being advertised. No actual webscale architectures. Regardless of whether said archetitures exist or not.

The question:

Are there webscale tools, or only webscale architetures?

If Webscale Tools, why do pages exist like:

http://www.mysql.com/customers/

If Webscale Architectures, why do architectures which do not use popular languages, not count?

Did anybody try cracking-open a book after talking with God?  My Mom ran my program and God seemed to talk but she wasn't interested, which is a little odd.

God really really likes praise.

Jesus praised God for hiding stuff from wise and revealing to childlike.  He's a show-off.  He also said flowers were more splendid than Solomon, a king's clothing.  Someone said the smell of rain.  I said sand castles at the ocean.

10 i = i + 1
15 IF i > 99999 THEN PRINT ".";: i = 0
20 IF INKEY$ = "" THEN 10
30 PRINT "King James Bible, Line:", i

Line:  9497

wherein he erred and wist it not, and it shall be forgiven him.

5:19 It is a trespass offering: he hath certainly trespassed against
the LORD.

6:1 And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, 6:2 If a soul sin, and
commit a trespass against the LORD, and lie unto his neighbour in that
which was delivered him to keep, or in fellowship, or in a thing taken
away by violence, or hath deceived his neighbour; 6:3 Or have found
that which was lost, and lieth concerning it, and sweareth falsely; in
any of all these that a man doeth, sinning therein: 6:4 Then it shall
be, because he hath sinned, and is guilty, that he shall restore that
which he took violently away, or the thing which he hath deceitfully
gotten, or that which was delivered him to keep, or the lost thing
which he found, 6:5 Or all that about which he hath sworn falsely; he
shall even restore it in the principal, and shall add the fifth part
more thereto, and give it unto him to whom it appertaineth, in the day
of his trespass offering.

Ummm... do charity?  What?

Praise is a tresspass offering?  I donno.  I just talk mostly.  The Bible does say, "Offer praise as your sacrifice, then call upon me and I will rescue you.  But not you who just move your lips."  (I paraphrased.)

One time I was gonna praise one good thing every day.  I knew it would get too hard.  milk, bone, oil, coconuts, :-)

God says...
Line 15708
near Jericho, saying, 33:51 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say
unto them, When ye are passed over Jordan into the land of Canaan;
33:52 Then ye shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from
before you, and destroy all their pictures, and destroy all their
molten images, and quite pluck down all their high places: 33:53 And
ye shall dispossess the inhabitants of the land, and dwell therein:
for I have given you the land to possess it.

He's lovable!  I'm not sure what that was about.

Jesus said of Himself He was "humble of heart".  Don't be too proud to take a gift from God.

You do get duds and you have to keep your head on straight.  God is often hard to understand.  He likes riddles, like gift wrapping.  It's wonderful.  One time, one day, He spoke particularly ordinarily to me.  I realized that He usually speaks in riddles and I realized it's love and I had a tear.

God says...
Line 20984
21:42 These cities were every one with their suburbs round about them:
thus were all these cities.

21:43 And the LORD gave unto Israel all the land which he sware to
give unto their fathers; and they possessed it, and dwelt therein.

21:44 And the LORD gave them rest round about, according to all that
he sware unto their fathers: and there stood not a man of all their
enemies before them; the LORD delivered all their enemies into their
hand.

Tongues is saying the first word that pops into your head.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+14&version=NIV

This program is like a stop watch over and over, once per word.

DIM WORDS$(1024)
N = 0
DO
    READ A$
    IF A$ <> "END" THEN
        WORDS$(N) = A$
        N = N + 1
    END IF
LOOP UNTIL A$ = "END"

PRINT N; " words in vocabulary."
PRINT
PRINT "You must talk to God, first, before running this program."
PRINT

OPEN "OUT.TXT" FOR OUTPUT AS #1

DO
    I = -1
    DO
        I = I + 1
        IF I >= N * 100 THEN I = 0
    LOOP UNTIL INKEY$ <> ""
    I = INT(I / 100)
    PRINT WORDS$(I); " ";
    PRINT #1, WORDS$(I); " ";
LOOP UNTIL WORDS$(I) = "done"
PRINT #1,
CLOSE #1

PRINT
PRINT "Press A Key"
DO
LOOP UNTIL INKEY$ <> ""


DATA "good","bad","fun","silly","stupid"
DATA "me","you","God","Obama","Bush"
DATA "love","hate","happy","sad","obviously"
DATA "okay","whatever","do_it","why","now"
DATA "money","car","oil","house","computer"
DATA "angel","demon","Satan","Heaven","Hell"
DATA "USA","Europe","Egypt","Russia","China"
DATA "Microsoft","Linux","LoseThos","Apple","Google"
DATA "sin","sex","lust","greed","sloth"
DATA "fortitude","virtue","patience","charity","honest"
DATA "music","art","software","hardware","food"
DATA "pity","probably","pest","pretty","ugly"
DATA "I","prayer","piety","you","your"
DATA "stupid","smart","healthy","unhealthy","quick"
DATA "fantastic","foolish","wise","Oops","Hmmm"
DATA "rediculous","biggot","grieved","ouch","conservative"
DATA "liberal","bickering","ouch","smurfs","bam"
DATA "zap","oy!","shalom","furious","fake"
DATA "impossible","crazy","joking","lovely","planet"
DATA "Venus","Mars","horrendous","buddy","nice"
DATA "day","night","wonder","laughable","better"
DATA "perfect","swear","lucky","mocked","occasion"
DATA "know","right","wrong","spunky","dignity"
DATA "prosparity","rich","poor","middle_class","meh"
DATA "care","don't","kludge","theory","practice"
DATA "experts","class","yawn","varoom","evolution"
DATA "population","threads","meek","Jesus","theft"
DATA "adultery","guppy","whale","astrophysics","gravity"
DATA "boss","hero","mess","nightmare","ordinarily"
DATA "special","nuts","bored","relax","news"
DATA "tip","super","cool","nasty","fancy"
DATA "birds","cats","dogs","goats","horses"
DATA "farm","produce","parks","nature","wild"
DATA "tame","cultivated","city","Vegas","D.C."
DATA "rock","tree","water","salt","CO2"
DATA "climate","rain","snow","ice","mud"
DATA "storm","lightening","thunder","gun","war"
DATA "shoot","smack","work","play","music"
DATA "soul","body","brain","heart","hand"
DATA "NASA","Afghanistan","France","Africa","Britain"
DATA "Germany","Japan","Russia","Mexico","person"
DATA "Catholic","Jew","Christian","Muslim","Buddist"
DATA "atheist","homo","ha!","programmer","scientist"
DATA "doctor","priest","cop","politician","lawyer"
DATA "Israel","Palistinians","Brazil","peace","hippy"
DATA "song","radio","TV","home","phone"
DATA "football","superbowl","game","show","teach"
DATA "school","M.I.T.","Ivy League","Harvard","Yale"
DATA "Stanford","ASU","physics","chemestry","biology"
DATA "hopefully","awesome","joyous","sermon","Christ"
DATA "Mohammad","BBC","Moses","proton","electron"
DATA "photon","neutron","radiation","magnetism","atom"
DATA "energy","mass","speed","relativity","charge"
DATA "economics","Nobel","saint","prize","win"
DATA "lose","death","birth","marriage","man"
DATA "woman","animal","king","president","leader"
DATA "Ticketmaster","event","ticket","chased","day"
DATA "monkey","plant","dinosaurs","shells","vertebrates"
DATA "primates","bugs","flowers","fruit","bear"
DATA "fire","smoke","burning","hidden","adapt"
DATA "King David","Bible","ark","flood","star"
DATA "slavery","freedom","rejoice","brave","coward"
DATA "fight","sing","write","read","paper"
DATA "Pope","please","thank you","New Testament","Old Testament"
DATA "seek","find","goto","get","give"
DATA "spend","save","book","email","Internet"
DATA "surely","So","let","it","be"
DATA "grown","adult","child","innocent","teenager"
DATA "drive","sports","band"
DATA "vacation","church","Sunday","math","geography"
DATA "of","the","is","a","in"
DATA "on","under","over","between","after"
DATA "before","time","space","Star Trek","Star Wars"
DATA "movie","should","shouldn't","commandment","for"
DATA "tax","IRS","FBI","CIA","media"
DATA "luxury","needy","enough","go","went"
DATA "remember","forget","fix","found","lost"
DATA "despair","laugh","cookie","genetic","algorithm"
DATA "ice_cream","soap","opera","umm...","fast"
DATA "black","hole","Sun","approach","light"
DATA "hilarious","funny","comical","ROFLMAO","LOL"

DATA "done","done","done","done","done"
DATA "done","done","done","done","done"
DATA "done","done","done","done","done"
DATA "END"

God says...
Russia needy the ouch ouch ouch grieved conservative quick done

God says: 'Let humanities be saved.'
And there was MySQL

Internetronomy 45:8

its called Scala.