All programming languages are useless shit.

Hi, /prog/.

Recently I realized that all programming languages are useless shit.

I need just few things:
1. Closures, functions as first-class object and similar functional features
2. Strong typing, type inference, type parametrization (generics or similar), implicits/explicits
3. Metaprogramming features (like macros)
4. Cross-platform without any problems
5. Lightweight threads, coprogramms or (the best) erlang-style actors
6. Monad comprehensions

I tried:
1. Scala. All cool except no macros and it works on shitty Oracle thing called Java Virtual Machine (also it stack-based).
2. Haskell (Template Haskell). All cool except that I should tear up my ass in four parts to implement something that is not pure.
3. F#. Macros at runtime, also there are no actors and implicits, monad comprehensins is pathetically shitty.
4. OCaml. There is no operator overloading and typing is VERY STRONG + all problems of F# (except of macros), also AFAIK there is no concurrent GC for OCaml.
5. Common Lisp. All cool except no typing at all and no syntax at all, also parenthesis and infix notation make me puke blood.
6. Nemerle. The best language ever except there are one-and-a-half developers and it compiler crashes at every second line in my sources.

I had thoughts to develop my own language, but I am afraid that it repeats the Nemerle's fate.
Maybe I forgot something ?
Discuss.

inb4: C, C++, C#, Java, Delphi, PHP, Basic and similar imperative shit, I don't want to waste my time on it.

>>21
Learn to lein uberjar. It will create a single .jar with all dependencies in it.

And "shit" libraries for everything are better than no libraries at all (and they are not so shitty anyway). I can assure you, Clojure would be nowhere today it wasn't based on JVM, despite all its nice concurrency features, collections and whatnot. Creating a comprehensive library infrastructure is a work for decade. Look at Ruby, with all the buzz it generated the libraries are still sparse even compared to Python. With the access to the Java libraries people can begin doing real programming in any domain straight away, it's the best argument to attract users. Clean, idiomatic libraries will start to appear later, when you gather a bigger community, and it's starting to happen with Clojure right now.