Name: Anonymous 2011-08-16 21:49
The Forced Crippling of Brain Function
This highly contagious disease occurs when a subject is coaxed through peer pressure, often in an academic setting, into following harmful and ill-founded practices and procedures. It always results in permanent, debilitating brain damage where the subject is no longer able to adapt to new sensory inputs or exercise new modalities of thought.
Causes: Political Correctness, Zermelo–Fraenkel Set Theory, Object-Oriented Programming, Web-Facing Software Development, Cloud Computing and ``The Browser as a Platform.''
Diagnosis: The subject must show at least four of the following signs of morbidity:
• Unquestionably favors object-oriented designs in their software even when such designs offer no overall benefit and only serve to complicate the software.
• Avoids using programming languages which aren't Java, C#, Python, Ruby, Lua, PHP, or Javascript. When the subject actively derides or calls for the destruction of any programming language that is not in the prior list, it should be treated as an advanced or late-stage form of the disease. Excessive use of XML for specifying data should be treated as an additional complication which serves exacerbates the underlying morbidity.
• Believes concurrency and parallel programming to be too difficult of a task for most people to comprehend and uses it as an excuse for why they still write their software in a single-threaded manner.
• Shows a complete lack of knowledge concerning the computer hardware on which their software is run and believes that the virtual machine and/or runtime environment is more important.
• Favors using Apple computer hardware and operating systems for software development work as well as casual computer use.
• Uses at least one social networking service on the Internet.
• Thinks reddit is where all of the cool programmers hang out.
Prognosis: Grim.
Treatment: Once identified, the subject should be isolated and eugenically culled from society to ensure that the disease is unable to jump to other hosts.
This highly contagious disease occurs when a subject is coaxed through peer pressure, often in an academic setting, into following harmful and ill-founded practices and procedures. It always results in permanent, debilitating brain damage where the subject is no longer able to adapt to new sensory inputs or exercise new modalities of thought.
Causes: Political Correctness, Zermelo–Fraenkel Set Theory, Object-Oriented Programming, Web-Facing Software Development, Cloud Computing and ``The Browser as a Platform.''
Diagnosis: The subject must show at least four of the following signs of morbidity:
• Unquestionably favors object-oriented designs in their software even when such designs offer no overall benefit and only serve to complicate the software.
• Avoids using programming languages which aren't Java, C#, Python, Ruby, Lua, PHP, or Javascript. When the subject actively derides or calls for the destruction of any programming language that is not in the prior list, it should be treated as an advanced or late-stage form of the disease. Excessive use of XML for specifying data should be treated as an additional complication which serves exacerbates the underlying morbidity.
• Believes concurrency and parallel programming to be too difficult of a task for most people to comprehend and uses it as an excuse for why they still write their software in a single-threaded manner.
• Shows a complete lack of knowledge concerning the computer hardware on which their software is run and believes that the virtual machine and/or runtime environment is more important.
• Favors using Apple computer hardware and operating systems for software development work as well as casual computer use.
• Uses at least one social networking service on the Internet.
• Thinks reddit is where all of the cool programmers hang out.
Prognosis: Grim.
Treatment: Once identified, the subject should be isolated and eugenically culled from society to ensure that the disease is unable to jump to other hosts.