the truth

C/C++ if you care about performance
Java- if you need online applications or don't mind a performance trade-off for more ease
Python-For everything else
The rest is a waste of time
Programming is not supposed to be pretty, its not supposed to be more math like and its not supposed to satisfy your every anally retentive needs.
Its there to get stuff done.

C/C++  if you want to develop fast, high-quality software and take advantage of the great amount of high-skilled and experienced programmers on the market.
Lisp  if only one person or a small group of fellow lispers will every see the source code.
Java  if you need code that can be maintained by a big group of cheap, replaceable programmers.
C#  if you use the .NET framework and/or need code that can be written and maintained by a big group of mediocre programmers.
Objective-C  if you develop apps for iOS. (faggot)
Assembly  for embedded systems, drivers or anything under extreme time-critical conditions.
Python  for rapid development of small projects.
Bash/Perl/Python  for quick-and-dirty scripts and write-once-run-once code.
Haskell  if you like math more than CS and are a hipster or if you just want to try something completely different.
BBCode  if you're an EXPERT PROGRAMMER.
Brainfuck  if you're smarter than everyone else