College Students

Why are they all so bad at programming?
This is my second semester at Uni and I am seriously helping seniors complete their idiotic Java programming assignments. It took me three fucking hours to explain one guy the difference between a compiler and an interpreter.

I thought Universities would be filled with programming geniuses, what the hell?

Im looking for a programming language, it cant be sukuriputsu (thats japanese for scripting) or any interpreted language. It has to be of 2 or more puratuforumu (thats japanese for 2 platforms) and has be be chibi (small) sized. And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 megs. And you have to post pastebins of it first (i want to make shure it's kawaii [cute]). And it would be nice if it came with matching text editor (WITH syntax file). OH! and it CANNOT have any first order closures, or be made out of Lisp. It has to be made of x86, or something like that. Also it would be nice if it was made in japan. and not in china or corea (korea) or whatever. I have found a programming language similar to the one im describing in e-bay, but it was 1 puratuforumu, and i dont want my Rinukusu (Linux) to touch my other things (it can get corrupted and i would not like that, plus 2 puratuforumu looks more kawaii)