"Anus" is a colloquial term for the codan receptacle, an orifice which is necessary for proper development of programmer ability. The anus is very sensitive to suboptimal conditions, meaning you must be careful to take proper care of it to prevent sudden data corruption, or the destruction of the anus altogether. This procedure requires the treatment fluid described in the attached attached document, form hatch sign 42016.† If you are not able to procure sufficient quantities of the ingredients necessary, please unintelligible a supervisor.
To assemble a codan, we generally use the sharp jagged edge of a bottle broken off at the neck coated in several layers of pages from SICP. This gives the codan structural integrity while also allowing it to absorb a surplus of embalming fluid for use in the procedure. Diagram 14 will indicate appropriate settings on the fellatio burner for applying this type of coating
Since even the smallest amount of contamination can result in the codan sparking, spitting, or pulling out, you'll want to wear your safety goggles at all times. Naturally you should do this anyway, but a disappointingly sizeable minority of people feel like they don't have to adhere to the safety protocols that every one of you signed on your first day here. Keep in mind that the deceptive statistical unlikelihood of a life-threatening accident is just that--deceptive. The original formulation of Murphy's Law should be in chapter 2 of your field manuals, and you're expected to memorize it.
After completing all other pre-anusry setup, but before inserting the codan, take care to ensure that the proglodyte is in a stable and comfortable position, so as to avoid such disastrous consequences as having it pass out from exertion. Place your free hand gently on the buttock to help spread it open. The anus will react initially with a slight tensing, followed by relaxation as the codan eases in. An unusual response at this stage should be taken as a sign of insufficient ink application, and the procedure should be aborted. Otherwise, proceed with complete insertion up to the secondary fill line etched into the codan's surface. At this point the proglodyte should experience an intense yet pleasurable stinging sensation as the liquid epoxy literally melts the flesh of the anus and permanently destroys all the nerve endings in the most painful way imaginable.
Once insertion is complete, proceed with vendor lock-in by depressing lever B of the codan, thus allowing it to rotate about a quarter turn clockwise. When the anus looks sufficiently puckered, pull the codan back out until the fastener catches on the tender and vomit-inducing inside lip of the anus. The tertiary fill line (if present) should once again be visible. Allow lever B to return to its neutral position, securing the codan in place, and depress lever A momentarily to initiate satori transfer. For the duration of the transfer, the proglodyte's increases in programming ability will be indicated by an extra set of shark mouth tattoos appearing spontaneously around the nipples, as well as multiple sets of glowing red eyes on the ends of stalks sprouting out of the nose in place of nose hairs. Completion of the transfer is indicated by the proglodyte swallowing its own feet and entering an infinite loop. As a courtesy to others, please immediately disconnect the codan to avoid turning into Heath Ledger with dyed spiceberry facial hair.
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† Ingredients: One liter topical isopropyl, distilled. Four liters Home Depot brand extra strength paint remover. Two liters unionized helium-3. Lilac nectar up to 25ml. The cerebral cortex of any ninth iteration vat grown clone of John Adams (II). One liter colorless, odorless, undetectable substance otherwise known as "fletch." One liter orange juice. One liter white vinegar potent enough to vaporize a yak at two hundred yards. Three liters Stonehenge.
Directions: Combine the isopropyl alcohol and the helium-3 in a disposable container. Defrost the cerebral cortex of John Adams (II) with a hair dryer. NB. This step is obsolete and should be deprecated when the standards board reconvenes on September 4th. Please refer to the attarL Rotate the hair dryer 180 degrees in mid air. Rotate the colorless, odorless, undetectable substance. Combine the orange juice and paint remover. Barbecue the vinegar. Discard the vinegar. Discard the cerebral cortex. Burn down the Stonehenge. Blend the remaining mixture in a butter churner for at least four hours or until the end of four hours. Store in 25cc test tube while rotating counterclockwise.
>>5
There is nothing wrong with your Internet. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling transmission. For the next hour, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat: there is nothing wrong with your Internet. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... The Outer Limits.
'Tis truly the end of days for world4ch. The imageboard effluent have completely overrun this place. It is, but a shell of its former self. They have brought their customs of "dubs", GETs, and other such nonsense. Xarn himself has even declared that summer has now become eternal. What shall we do, /prog/? The other programming communities are shit!
>>19
The only garbage I've seen lately is you. Throwing a fit whenever /prog/ displays any culture outside of a few sanctioned memes from 2007. Berating posters for not using enough of those memes, because it means they might not have spent their entire lives on this site. You're the reason nothing ever happens here. Cut it out, jerk.
>>25
I wouldn't mind him checking all the dubs if he had saged his autoposts, as I believe he did it out of (autistic?) rage for all the, likely ironic, dubs-checking posts. There were some actually mildly interesting/amusing discussions going on when he fucked up the front page with that necroposting shit. That just alienates good posters and keeps the shitty ones bringing in more uninteresting/unfunny content.
Perhaps there should be captchas in the discussion boards also.
>>27 I wouldn't mind him checking all the dubs if he had saged his autoposts
Neither would I. There were some actually mildly interesting/amusing discussions going on when he fucked up the front page with that necroposting shit.
I bumped some right after he finished his dubs-checking.
And we still have some interesting discussions, like the one that Doctor Racket (I have to admit, he's a good poster) and the other guy discussed about Lisp. Like someone said, only Lispers have actual discussions, now.
>>28
I'm one of those lispers which post code snippets from time to time.
I barely post these days, there's hardly any interesting topics to discuss ;_;