Haskell.

This obscure language represents a peculiar corner of the programming language world called functional languages. One of the peculiar things about such languages is that they don’t have variables. Although Haskell isn’t widely known among programmers, those who know of functional languages suspect that they, too, are rather slow

>>19
Obvious troll.  Haskell has two different kinds of variables, type variables and value variables.
…except that neither of those are variables.  They're bindings.