If programming languages were women

BASIC would GOTO the kitchen when told.

Lisp would be ... well, a woman, because nobody can understand a single thing she says.

Perl would be feminism (because it's fucking ugly).

Prolog would be a woman because she doesn't make any sense and says "no" far too often.

C++ would be a fat nigger momma.

Haskell would be Marilyn Monroe, very pretty but fucking INSANE and has no value other than looking good.

PHP would be a rape victim, enough said.

Python would be a girl-next-door type. Attractive and intelligent at first, but eventually you'll get bored of her and her dad Guido and maybe have an affair with Ruby.

C would be a skinny, plain Jane, and sexually liberated woman. You don't want anything serious with her, but she's always there when you need it. And if you're into it, things might get kinky too.

JavaScript would be a cute looking gal that's a bit too promiscuous and a little sick in the mind. You like her for the good parts, and you recognize the potential, but you'd rather be with somebody saner.

Java would be a very reliable, somewhat ugly woman. You feel sorry for the nerds that court her. She's a bit annoying and just can't seem to shut the fuck up. If you had to choose, you'd spend your time with C#.

C# is Java's richer, smarter, better looking cousin. But there's something about her family that just puts you off, and sometimes you think she's just not worth the money. Although she isn't ugly, she isn't sexy either.

Ruby is a cute bi-curious hipster chick. She used to be kind of lovely, but she started to hang out with some really annoying, pretentious people. Still, there's something exotic about her that turns you on.