I hate you, /prog/.

You've broken me. I can't even look at languages like PHP, C++ or Java without chuckling in my mind, while I can't really explain why I dislike them even to myself. I intuitively perceive other programmers who haven't used Haskell or Lisp as inferior, even though they are most likely more productive or successful than me. I find the phrase "hax my anus" mildly amusing.
You've broken me, /prog/, but the worst thing is that you left me. You left me, and now all I have left is this petty excuse for a textboard.

I disagree. There are numerous things wrong with each of those languages, and the mentality of those who like them.

- PHP started off as a macro language and slowly grew into a Perl knock-off (even though its designers stated they didn't want to be Perl) with no overall design goals involved, and leaving everything in for backwards compatibility. They also have retarded function names that don't relate to their purpose at all, like explode and implode. As a result, it is a total mess.

- http://yosefk.com/c++fqa/ has been created so nobody has to argue against Sepples any more.

- Java claims to be object-oriented (but still has primitive types) and has many extraneous features. Other problems include assignment by reference (meaning you have to create a clone() method in order to manually reassign every attribute). It's also quite simplistic.

So, there you go, if you ever need to explain why they're bad, just remember all that.


^{Disclaimer: I'm not an expert on any of these languages. This post may be entirely false.}