If programming languages were

Assembler: Assembler
BASIC: BASIC
C++: C++
C: C
Clojure: Clojure
Cobol: Cobol
Forth: Forth
Haskell: Haskell
HTML: HTML
Java: Java
Javascript: Javascript
Lua: Lua
Ocaml: Ocaml
Pascal: Pascal
Perl: Perl
PHP: PHP
Python: Python
Ruby: Ruby
Scheme: Scheme

>>3
More like FIOC with a type system that isn't completely fucking insane and better syntax.