How to program in C

    "If it weren't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL."

   1. Use lots of global variables.
   2. Give them cryptic names such as: X27, a_gcl, or Horace.
   3. Put everything in one large .h file.
   4. Implement the entire project at once.
   5. Use macros and #defines to emulate Pascal.
   6. Assume the compiler takes care of all the little details you didn't quite understand.
   7. Rewrite standard functions and give them your own obscure names.
   8. Use obscure, proprietary, non-portable, compiled library packages so that you never have to move from the platform you love so well.
   9. Use very descriptive comments like /* printf("Hello world\n"); */ before each function call.
  10. REMEMBER - Carriage returns are for weenies. Tabs are for those who have not reached weenie-dom yet.
  11. Include LOTS of inline assembly code.
  12. "User Interfaces" are for morons. "Users" have no business interfacing with a professional product like yours.
  13. If you are forced to comment your code (in English), then borrow comments from somebody else's code and sprinkle them throughout yours. It's quick, easy, and fun to watch people's expressions as they try to figure it out.
  14. Remember to define as many pre-processor symbols as possible in terms of already defined symbols. This is considered 'efficient use of code'.

>>1
I'd like to address this.
1. Use lots of global variables.
Actually, I do use global variables, as a replacement for a suitable runtime environment, which C lacks. The existence of global variables is exactly the kind of things I've abstracted, for which C cannot handle at runtime.

2. Give them cryptic names such as: X27, a_gcl, or Horace.
Well, I don't know if they're cryptic or not. Read my literate programming document of the software and let me know if they are still incomprehensible.

3. Put everything in one large .h file.
Oh, are you very sad that C has no modularity built in to the language? Me too. It's why I avoid C whenever practical.

4. Implement the entire project at once.
Oh, how cute. A programmer who feels it necessary---simultaneously---to work at a low level (C) and abstract enough to have independence. Well, I am impressed at your cognitive dissonance, does that make you feel better?

7. Rewrite standard functions and give them your own obscure names.
Aww, did specializing functions in a specific environment hurt you personally? NULL NULL NULL NULL 3

8. Use obscure, proprietary, non-portable, compiled library packages so that you never have to move from the platform you love so well.
You're right, I should program my ZiLOG XP Encore microcontroller like it is an X86_64 processor!

9. Use very descriptive comments like /* printf("Hello world\n"); */ before each function call.
Too bad your pet language practically demands printf debugging because it has no reflection.

Yes, yes, IHBT.