One night i awake to strange sound. such sound is sound of potatoes falling down stairs. I walk dowstairs and see pile of potatoes on ground. my son awakes he tells me "father why are potatoes on ground?" I strike and take swig of vodka, then i say "son it is kgb".
such is life in Moscow.
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:02
I just join KGB. me and squadmates raid houses of russians. we go into scary house, KGB squad tells me "no man ever returns" I laugh in face and drink vodka from pocket flask. I go into house and when inside i see nothing. I go outside and squadmates are skeleton. I go back to office and get new squadmates.
such is life in Moscow
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:03
One evening in Soviet Russia a skeleton poped out and was detain for questioning by KGB. His answers they find to be unsatisfactory, so he is relocate to Siberia for the glory of the Motherland.
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:04
You are home to watch Pravda on televisir about degenerate murderer who is on the loose. You look out the window door to beet field, and you notice Man standing in the snow. He look like foto on televisir and he smile at you. You gulp vodka, picking up fone to your right and dialing Local Militia Precinct Commissar. Back out the glass you look, pressing fone to ear. Notice he now closer to you. You drop vodka in shock.
No footprints in snow. It was reflection. You dullard!
Your apartment is bulldozed down to make way for glorious tractor factory.
such is life in moscow
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:04
I check into small hotel a few kilometers from Kiev. It is late. I am tired. I tell woman at desk I want a room. She tells me room number and give key. "But one more thing comrade; there is one room without number and always lock. Don't even peek in there." I take key and go to room to sleep.
Night comes and I hear trickling of water. It comes from the room across. I cannot sleep so I open door. It is coming from room with no number. I pound on door. No response. I look in keyhole. I see nothing except red.
Water still trickling. I go down to front desk to complain. "By the way who is in that room?" She look at me and begin to tell story.
There was woman in there. Murdered by her husband. Skin all white, except her eyes, which were red.
I tell her I don't give a shit. Stop the water trickling or give me refund. She gave me 100 ruble credit and free breakfast.
Such is life in Moscow
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:05
Toys are made by loyal factory for amusement of the children of the motherland.
Toys are of baby, and have realistic crying function.
Soon, it becomes difficult to distinguish baby and toy.
Both are burned for warmth.
Such is life in moscow
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:06
n Russia, coffin has pipe for air, and bell with string. If man is true Soviet, he does not die. When buried, yells for undertaker and rings bell.
Bell rings. Is no wind.
Undertaker asks - "Are you lady Gorbochev?"
Voice says "Yes!"
"Born winter of 1927?"
"Yes!"
"Gravestone says 'Died 20 February, 1957"
"Niet, am still living!"
"Am sorry, but is August. In June, ground will thaw. You must wait for June."
And woman is true Soviet, waits for June.
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:06
Mother and father got a little tired from building Communism, so they want to go to Moscow to buy vodka. They call their most trusted babysitter. When the babysitter arrive, children already sleep in beds. Babysitter just sits around and make sure everything good with children. Later that night, babysitter gets bored and goes to read Marx, but she can't read it downstairs because there is no electricity (the parents did not want children reading Marx all night long).
So, she calls them and asks if she can get candles to read Marx in their room. Of course, the parents say it's okay, but the babysitter has one final request... she asked if she could cover up the Lenin statue outside the bedroom window with a blanket or cloth, because it makes her nervous.
The phone line is silent for a moment, and the father who says, "Take the children and get out of the house... we will call milita. We do not have an Lenin statue."
The militia found all three of the house occupants dead because KGB killed them for trying to cover Lenin's statue. And militia arrested parents for not having a Lenin statue.
Such is life in Moscow.
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:07
Babysitter home with young boy and young girl. She get call parents, who are working night shift in factory asking if everything is fine. She tells them da, but the large statue of Lenin in daughter's room is unsettling.
Later, she is arrested by KGB for calling great father of motherland "unsettling". She is sent to count trees in Siberia.
Such is life in Moscow.
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:08
You are diligent worker at Soviet Administration office working at night. The Soviet Copy Machine begins working like good Soviet worker. You go to Soviet Copy Machine and see many Soviet copies in the Soviet tray. It is picture of you dead in chair. The other pictures are also of you dead but taken from more Soviet angles.
There is no original picture in the copy machine. In fact, the machine has been out of toner for a week. SOVIET COPY MACHINES WORK OVERTIME FOR GOOD OF CAUSE.
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:08
Walking home one night, you notice all the candles in personal shack are lit.
You finish vodka bottle as you approach your door.
House is empty, and you made sure not to feed guard dog, but candles still go out.
You check your pocket watch, small hand on 4, big hand on 1. You relise you'll be late for unpaid community service.
At service, you find letter on floor. It's signed to you, from you. You open the letter, confused.
Inside reads "the out for watch watch"
You look at pocket watch. big hand on 4, little hand on one. You look at note again, it appears the 4th and 1st words have swapped places.
"Watch out for the watch."
You look at pocket watch again.
You realise watch is broken, and decide you must get it fixed. You also decide to cut back on vodka, so as to not send letters to yourself anymore.
Such is life in mother Russia.
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:09
in hospital during war doctors run out of bandages but wounded brothers of the motherland are still bleeding. shells hit hospital and lights go out. one doctor begins to bandage up comrade soldiers. doctor singlehanded treats and helps every soldier in hospital because soviet doctors know no other way to work
in the morning the soldiers wake up and find wounds dressed with human skin. they find the doctor dead on a cot, his skin all peeled off. one of the soldiers scream.
doctor fell asleep on cot that should have been used by wounded soldier! doctor's death is punishment for his selfishness!
Name:
Anonymous2010-07-26 5:10
Yevgeni Zakarov did wait. Fluorescent light above him did spark while shining in broken glass. Capitalists were invading outpost. He didn't see them, but did expect them for years from across Atlantic. Warnings given to commissar Yuri did not warrant response from union. Far too late now.
Yevgeni was conscript for fourteen years now. When he was young he watched dad in gulag with vodka and he saying 'I am wanting to grow up in gulags daddy'. Dad said 'No! Shut up! Commissar will overhear us! You will not have chance to be asset to the union!'.
There was time when he believed him. As he got oldered he stopped. But there was a time when he believed him. Glorious Union knew there were capitalists. 'This is Boris' the intercom crackled. 'You must bring fiscal report to office please.' So Yevgeni picked up papers and went to office.
'HE GOING TO ENSLAVE US' said the capitalists. 'I will make them give to nation' said coworker as he gave out paychecks, but economy failed and not all had much to give to glorious Soviet people. 'No!' shouted Yevgeni, 'I must collect funds for people to stop capitalists!' The intercom said 'No, Yevgeni. You are the capitalists.'
And then Yevgeni was a nationalist-socialist.