10 reasons Java is awesome

1.  Easy to learn.  90% of Java = C-pointers+classes.  You come from pretty much any programming background and hit the ground running with java.
2.  Best and most comprehensive standard libraries.  Wheels of all types and sizes are included in the standard library and they all have pristine documentation.  Not to mention the thousands of external libraries.  In java you never write wheels, you combine wheels to make machines.
3.  Super Fast.    Java is faster than all other garbage collected languages and about 1.5 times slower than C.
4.  Very readable code.   Without things like millions of operators, operator overloading, and first class functions it takes a lot of effort to obfuscate and write unreadable/unmaintainable java code.  Spend less time figuring out what existing code does and more time writing new code.
5-8.  Awesome tool chain.  Eclipse is as fully featured as it gets, from ridiculously good auto-completion and code prediction...to detection of errors before you even compile... to plug ins and version control integration. Did I mention its free?  The only competing tool chain that is even comparable(Visual Studio) costs an arm and a leg.
9.  Application versatility.  There is a JVM for all major platforms sans apple mobile products.  Porting from one platform to the other is easy.
10.  Ridiculously good garbage collection. Competing GCs don't even come close.

tl;dr  Real programmer use java.

1.  Easy to learn.  90% of Java = C-pointers+classes.  You come from pretty much any programming background and hit the ground running with java.
Sort of true. You still have to learn object-orientation extremely early on, which is a bad thing IMHO; procedural and functional concepts are much more important, and are non-existent in Java.

   2.  Best and most comprehensive standard libraries.  Wheels of all types and sizes are included in the standard library and they all have pristine documentation.  Not to mention the thousands of external libraries.  In java you never write wheels, you combine wheels to make machines.
Arguable... It probably has the best documentation, but the shittiest and most verbose API. Honestly, a StringTokenizer object to split a fucking string? Give me a break. It took them like 7 versions to finally put a split() method on String. These folks have no fucking clue how to design an API, and they think documentation can make up for it.

   3.  Super Fast.    Java is faster than all other garbage collected languages and about 1.5 times slower than C.
Fail. This depends extremely heavily on the data being processed; it can potentially be orders of magnitude slower (especially when a lot of data is being processed, because Java has a ton of overhead that fucks up your cache.) For some problems, compiled GC languages such as Go are a lot faster.

   4.  Very readable code.   Without things like millions of operators, operator overloading, and first class functions it takes a lot of effort to obfuscate and write unreadable/unmaintainable java code.  Spend less time figuring out what existing code does and more time writing new code.
Epic fail. You've never worked with a J2EE application I see. Thousands of lines of code to accomplish menial tasks is not readable, and I don't understand how you think *not* supporting operator overloading and first class functions somehow makes the language readable.

   5-8.  Awesome tool chain.  Eclipse is as fully featured as it gets, from ridiculously good auto-completion and code prediction...to detection of errors before you even compile... to plug ins and version control integration. Did I mention its free?  The only competing tool chain that is even comparable(Visual Studio) costs an arm and a leg.
Epic fail. Eclipse is *awful*. Slow, bloated, shitty, awful. Eclipse folks always act like automatically detecting errors is some magical feature; with a few changes to your makefile you can just run make quieted on a loop for fuck's sake, accomplishes the same damn thing.

   9.  Application versatility.  There is a JVM for all major platforms sans apple mobile products.  Porting from one platform to the other is easy.
Epic fail. Any language with a compiler that compiles to C is inherently more versatile, and even some high-level interpreted languages are more widely ported; for example CPython runs on more platforms than the J2SE VM (though that's largely because CPython is a lot simpler and shittier.) Java is on the very low end as far as portability goes.

   10.  Ridiculously good garbage collection. Competing GCs don't even come close.
This is the only one of these statements that is true, except for the massive caveat that it isn't used for mobile/embedded, which is Java's fastest area of expansion right now. Embedded GCs are still awful.

Why did I bother writing up this reply to an obvious troll? No one is going to read it anyway.