Official /prog/ limerick competition

I'll start.

There was a young codan from /prog/
Who got offered a programming job
 He said "What is this?
 You want Java, not LISP?"
And stormed home to write fibs with his dog.

All I learnt in college was Pascal
Hax my anus? U mena Haskal!
 My best friend FV
 Reads xkcd
And so art imitates life.