Official /prog/ limerick competition

I'll start.

There was a young codan from /prog/
Who got offered a programming job
 He said "What is this?
 You want Java, not LISP?"
And stormed home to write fibs with his dog.

There once was an man called John
Who said "You are doing it all wrong!
  We don't need FORTAN and DO loops,
  Coding forms and WRITE OUTPUT TAPE,
Just car, cudder, eval and apply."

There was a man named Linus
Who had a micropenis
 He wrote kernel code
 To make up for his choad
And so dicklessness = genius.