Clojure makes me RAGE

Rich Hickey^† is a disgusting turd. His very existence is an insult to the legacy of Lisp, the genius of McCarthy, and all the hard work that Lispers have put in over the years. The fact that Clojure runs on the JVM^¥ is trivial compared to its other mortal sins, which are so numerous (and make me so angry) that I can't even describe half of them.

Shall I start with the munging-together of value and function names? In a proper Lisp you can instantly recognize head forms by the fact that they're at the head of the list. It was bad enough when Scheme made this ignorant mistake, and worse when Paul "Look at me, I don't even know what interactive development is" Graham copied it. Can't anyone learn from their errors? Oh, and by the way, Scheme tried to remedy this by having "hygienic" macros, which are also completely retarded but at least manage to make it usable. Clojure doesn't even have that. It's completely laughable.

It's not even as if that's the worst part. Not that I need to say it: There's too much syntax! I think Haskell must be Hickey's role model here, since I've never seen another language with as much syntax as Haskell ever in my life. And in Clojure, we get what is easily the most syntax-heavy Lisp-like (it's certainly nothing like Lisp except in the most superficial respects) that has ever been seen. All manner of things that could very easily be done in an ordinary head form style instead wind up littering brackets and delimiters all over the place, even in the simplest of functions. [foo] instead of (list foo), {:foo bar} instead of (dict :foo bar)...

Lambda. It's spelled "lambda," not "fn." Is that too much typing for you, Mr. Hickey? Is it? Did you sprain your wrists masturbating to your unwarranted self-importance? I hope they break off, Mr. Hickey, I hope they break off and you die. Because you've ruined Lisp for a lot of people. You can't even type "lambda?" Seriously? I'm not impressed.

I'm going to have some tea now. I'll be back. Later.

†_{What the fuck kind of a name is that, anyway?}
¥_{ABCL runs fine on the JVM, I hear. There's no point in making another dialect for that.}

I studied FIOC in my spare time and learnt procedural programming half assedly. It actually took me several years to learn how to write code that wouldn't make me puke afterwards. Regardless, I entered ``College'' and they taught us... Python. Just my luck.
Then they shoved us Java down our throats and had to pick a random book to make heads or tails of their class based-OO and static typing. I threw too much time out of the window in the Portland Patterns Repository, which could have been better spent reading SICP if I had known of it... but at least I learnt that design patterns are a disease of the mind.
Then I started reading SICP and my mom got scared, and said, 'you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel-air.' I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything, I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, 'Nah, forget it. Yo, holmes to bel-air' I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie, 'yo homes smell ya later' Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of bel-air.