Programming Languages

C or C++: For when performance is the #1 concern

Java: Best all round programming language for non-toy programs.  Verbosity prevents 'shortcuts' that are useful for toy programs.

Mathematica: When you need to crunch some numbers.

Anything else: Only acceptable for toy or web applications.
Haskell: Never acceptable.

NO EXCEPTIONS

I'm disappointed in you, /prog/.

The front page has hardly budged since this morning, and the only activity has been from troll threads like these.

Are you a bad enough dude to drive off Kenneth with lots of threads about Erlang?