Shitty,slow and bug-prone string functions. NULL termination and strlen are shining examples of defective design.
No memory management, plenty of things going down the drain if
you don't watch them all. Malloc and free are slow and inefficient, and they ruin performance if used in fast loops.
Variadic functions: all C has is shitty macro which doesn't implement anything useful. C cannot determine types of such variadiac arguments at runtime. Everything is static.
Typeof(non-standard)/sizeof/pointer casts in many programs show how defective the implementation of only object C manages(the pointer) natively. Pointers(and arrays which are also pointers) are the glue of C, yet they lack anything useful(like size or datatype,sizeof alternatives like _msize/malloc_usable_size and typeof are ugly non-standard hacks) and people use void pointers for felxibility.
I don't think C gets enough credit. Sure, C doesn't love you. C isn't about love--C is about thrills. C hangs around in the bad part of town. C knows all the gang signs. C has a motorcycle, and wears the leathers everywhere, and never wears a helmet, because that would mess up C's punked-out hair. C likes to give cops the finger and grin and speed away. Mention that you'd like something, and C will pretend to ignore you; the next day, C will bring you one, no questions asked, and toss it to you with a you-know-you-want-me smirk that makes your heart race. Where did C get it? "It fell off a truck," C says, putting away the boltcutters. You start to feel like C doesn't know the meaning of "private" or "protected": what C wants, C takes. This excites you. C knows how to get you anything but safety. C will give you anything but commitment
In the end, you'll leave C, not because you want something better, but because you can't handle the intensity. C says "I'm gonna live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse," but you know that C can never die, not so long as C is still the fastest thing on the road.
Name:
Anonymous2009-08-22 16:10
>>43
This is utterly superb pasta material that deserves a bump.
>>43
Naw, C isn't like that at all. It's backwards and primitive. It may seem to ignore the rules, but that's only because it hasn't managed to grasp their purpose. C likes to drive fast, but doesn't know why it should wear a seatbelt or slow down when it's raining. C will always be around — someone has to take care of the basics — but it will never be good for anything but delivering pizzas and selling its body. And it will never be able to satisfy your needs beyond those most carnal.
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Anonymous2009-08-22 17:24
>>46 And it will never be able to satisfy your needs beyond those most carnal.
>>46
Mmmmm... C satisfying my most carnal desires. Why program in Haskell if it isn't going to fuck me in the ass with a strap-on while wearing a Richard Nixon mask?
Name:
Anonymous2009-08-22 20:30
>>49
That's mental. You'll need another language for that. Haskell would probably do it. C won't.
Name:
Anonymous2009-08-22 20:33
>>49
C is capable of satisfying carnal desires. You need a higher class language for higher class interactions.
Name:
Anonymous2009-08-22 22:30
>>49
You seem to be thinking that “carnal” means “sexual”. Typical of a Ctard.
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Anonymous2009-08-22 22:45
>>52
That's right, it means "full of meat." Har har that's what she said
Name:
Anonymous2009-08-23 12:16
And then there's Haskell...
Haskell is like "that girl." You know the one...
You never really went steady, but you'd run into her from time to
time while knocking around in disreputable joints, usually late at
night, every several months or so. She looked so hot, so sleek, so
sexy, so expressive, so exotic. You'd end up back at her place and
the night would just... take off. A complete blur of hot, sweaty,
feverish, delirious, fumbling passion. You'd do things to each
other... you'd do things to her, she'd do things to you... things
that you're not even sure have names, that you're pretty sure are
illegal almost anywhere. Even her kinks have kinks --- and after one
of these nights, you'd realize that you yourself had a lot more kinks
than you. And it wasn't just physical, it was --- cerebral.
Ethereal. Transcendent. But it would all whiz by in a blur, and by
morning you'd find yourself lightheaded, a bit confused, and
stumbling homeward to your regular gal.
Over the next few days and weeks you'd find yourself occasionally
drifting away, thinking about her. Haskell. You'd be there, banging
away at your regular girl, and find yourself thinking "you know, if I
was with Haskell, I'd be doing this completely differently." You'd
think "I could be doing so much bigger and better stuff with
Haskell." Now, your regular girl, she's not as exotic as Haskell.
Pretty, maybe, if you're lucky. (Perhaps your regular girlfriend's
name is Python. ;-) But not nearly as --- weird. Wild. Cool.
Exciting. Don't get me wrong --- your girl, she's wonderful. You've
got a wonderful relationship. She's --- comfortable. You can bang
away at her all day and night. She's accommodating. Easy going.
You work well together. But --- confidentially --- she's, well,
maybe just a little bit boring. You'd catch yourself thinking these
things, and the guilty pangs would get to you... You'd quash the
thoughts, buckle down, and get back to banging away. Comfortable...
there's a lot to be said for that, ya know? Comfortable... just
keep telling yourself that.
Months would go by. Late some night you'd find yourself out,
disreputable places again. Maybe that hacker bar, LtU. Somebody'd
slip you an URL for some renegade paper, you know, one of *those*
papers. You'd run into Haskell again. And the whole thing starts over.
Eventually, you're going to get the ultimatum. Haskell's ultimately
just like any other girl on some level; she needs commitment.
Eventually, after one night of wild, feverish, kinky, abstract
passion, she's going to say to you: "All these times, and you don't
understand me at all! You know, you're going to have to get serious,
mister! I've got needs, too. You're going to have to get serious
about my monads, or that's the last time you're going to play with
them! Got it?"
...and then, you've got to make The Choice.
Chances are, you're going to go back to your regular gal. Haskell's
just too much for any one man, probably. She leaves a trail of
broken, brainy, embittered PhDs and former programmers behind her.
She ruins you for the RealWorld. You can ride a while, but you
probably can't go the distance with her. Go back to your regular gal
and try not to think too much about what you've seen. Done. Felt.
Thought.
Maybe you can salvage a little happiness; but it'll be hard. After
all... you've tasted Haskell.
>>57
Actually, they aren't. The sphinctres' natural state is loose, it's just out nervous system that keep them tight. Without it, they are as loose as a Mexican whore.
Name:
Anonymous2009-08-24 15:40
>>58
I think >>57 was making a rigor mortis ``joke''.
>>65
Fucking meiru field. Case sensitivity is a relic of the past. If I can type my password in upper or lower case, I should be able to type my sage that way as well.