Name: Anonymous 2009-08-05 21:46
The "C" Bible
1:1 In the beginning Unix created the Kernel and the C.
1:2 And the Kernel was without form and (void); and obscurity was on
the face of the C. And the spirit of Unix moved upon the face
of the C.
1:3 And Unix said, Let there be Code: and there was Code.
1:4 And Unix saw the Code, that it was tight: and Unix divided the
unstructured from the GOTO-less.
1:5 And Unix called the Code compact, and the unstructured he called
spaghetti. And the Program and the Module were the first day.
1:6 And Unix said, Let there be a ++ in the midst of the tightness,
and let it divide the Variables from the Variables.
1:7 And Unix made the Function, and divided the Variables which were
inside the Function from the Variables which were outside the
Function: and it was so.
1:8 And Unix called the Function Recursive. And the Program and the
Module were the second day.
1:9 And Unix said, Let the Variables in the Functions be gathered
together unto one place, and let the Data Segment appear:
and it was so.
1:10 And Unix called the Data Segment Structure; and the gathering
together of Variables he called the Heap: and Unix saw that it
was good.
1:11 And Unix said, Let the Structure bring forth Nulls, the Data to
terminate, and the Data yielding Pointer after his kind, whose
Pointer is in itself, upon the Structure: and it was so.
1:12 And the Structure brought forth Nulls, and Pointers each after
his kind: and Unix saw that it was good.
1:13 And the Program and the Module were the third day.
1:14 And the Nulls terminated the Data, so that each and every
Function would therefore loop: and Unix saw that it was good.
1:15 And Unix let them be for fat EXE files the Recursion of the
Function to give coding upon the C: and it was so.
1:16 And Unix made two great Functions: the GetCh to rule the In, and
the PrintF to rule the Out: he made the many TO Functions also.
1:17 And the Program and the Module were the fourth day.
1:18 And Unix said, Let the Coding bring forth abundantly the Nested
If creature that hath life, and the ability that it has to
confuse and obfuscate, for a GOTO It has not.
1:19 And Unix created great Whale Programs, and every Function that
loopeth looking for the terminating Null, and every unclean
workaround that inhabiteth the Programs: and Unix saw that it
was good.
1:20 And Unix blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply,
and fill the Functions of the C, and let Code multiply in the
Programs and fill the Hard Disk.
1:21 And the Program and the Module were the fifth day.
1:22 And Unix said, Let the Function bring forth the Recursive
creature after his kind, Pointer and Nested If, and let him loop
the Null after his kind: and it was so.
1:23 And Unix made the Stream I/O after his kind, and every loop that
that creepeth upon the face of the Hard Disk. And Unix said,
Let the File I/O be as slow as Interpreted Basic.
1:24 And Unix said, Let us make Codes in our image, after our Kernel:
and let them have Pointers over the Variables of the Heap, and
over the Functions, and over the Null-finding loops, and over all
the File I/O, and over every creeping Program that creepeth
upon the Hard Disk.
1:25 So Unix created C in his own image, in the image of Unix created
he him; Small and Huge Model created he them.
1:26 And Unix blessed them, and Unix said unto them, Be fruitful,
and multiply, and replenish the Hard Disk, and subdue it:
and have dominion over the Functions of the C, and over the Nulls
of the Data, and over every looping thing that runneth upon the
CPU.
1:27 And Unix said, Behold, I have given you every Value bearing
Function, which is upon the Recursion of the Nested If, and
every Directory Tree, in which is the Pointer to a File
yielding Data; to you it shall be for Terminating Nulls.
1:28 And to every slow beast of the Hard Disk, and to every unreadable
fowl of logic, and to every needless complexity that creepeth upon
the Function wherein there is Null, I have given every Heap for
the Data, and it was so.
1:29 And Unix saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was
very terse. And the Program and the Module were the sixth day.
2:1 Thus the Functions and the Heap were finished, and all the
host of them, such that understanding came not.
2:2 And on the seventh day Unix ended his work which he had coded
and he rested on the seventh day from all his Kernel which
he had coded.
2:3 And Unix blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because
in it he had rested from all his Coding which Unix had created
and made.
1:1 In the beginning Unix created the Kernel and the C.
1:2 And the Kernel was without form and (void); and obscurity was on
the face of the C. And the spirit of Unix moved upon the face
of the C.
1:3 And Unix said, Let there be Code: and there was Code.
1:4 And Unix saw the Code, that it was tight: and Unix divided the
unstructured from the GOTO-less.
1:5 And Unix called the Code compact, and the unstructured he called
spaghetti. And the Program and the Module were the first day.
1:6 And Unix said, Let there be a ++ in the midst of the tightness,
and let it divide the Variables from the Variables.
1:7 And Unix made the Function, and divided the Variables which were
inside the Function from the Variables which were outside the
Function: and it was so.
1:8 And Unix called the Function Recursive. And the Program and the
Module were the second day.
1:9 And Unix said, Let the Variables in the Functions be gathered
together unto one place, and let the Data Segment appear:
and it was so.
1:10 And Unix called the Data Segment Structure; and the gathering
together of Variables he called the Heap: and Unix saw that it
was good.
1:11 And Unix said, Let the Structure bring forth Nulls, the Data to
terminate, and the Data yielding Pointer after his kind, whose
Pointer is in itself, upon the Structure: and it was so.
1:12 And the Structure brought forth Nulls, and Pointers each after
his kind: and Unix saw that it was good.
1:13 And the Program and the Module were the third day.
1:14 And the Nulls terminated the Data, so that each and every
Function would therefore loop: and Unix saw that it was good.
1:15 And Unix let them be for fat EXE files the Recursion of the
Function to give coding upon the C: and it was so.
1:16 And Unix made two great Functions: the GetCh to rule the In, and
the PrintF to rule the Out: he made the many TO Functions also.
1:17 And the Program and the Module were the fourth day.
1:18 And Unix said, Let the Coding bring forth abundantly the Nested
If creature that hath life, and the ability that it has to
confuse and obfuscate, for a GOTO It has not.
1:19 And Unix created great Whale Programs, and every Function that
loopeth looking for the terminating Null, and every unclean
workaround that inhabiteth the Programs: and Unix saw that it
was good.
1:20 And Unix blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply,
and fill the Functions of the C, and let Code multiply in the
Programs and fill the Hard Disk.
1:21 And the Program and the Module were the fifth day.
1:22 And Unix said, Let the Function bring forth the Recursive
creature after his kind, Pointer and Nested If, and let him loop
the Null after his kind: and it was so.
1:23 And Unix made the Stream I/O after his kind, and every loop that
that creepeth upon the face of the Hard Disk. And Unix said,
Let the File I/O be as slow as Interpreted Basic.
1:24 And Unix said, Let us make Codes in our image, after our Kernel:
and let them have Pointers over the Variables of the Heap, and
over the Functions, and over the Null-finding loops, and over all
the File I/O, and over every creeping Program that creepeth
upon the Hard Disk.
1:25 So Unix created C in his own image, in the image of Unix created
he him; Small and Huge Model created he them.
1:26 And Unix blessed them, and Unix said unto them, Be fruitful,
and multiply, and replenish the Hard Disk, and subdue it:
and have dominion over the Functions of the C, and over the Nulls
of the Data, and over every looping thing that runneth upon the
CPU.
1:27 And Unix said, Behold, I have given you every Value bearing
Function, which is upon the Recursion of the Nested If, and
every Directory Tree, in which is the Pointer to a File
yielding Data; to you it shall be for Terminating Nulls.
1:28 And to every slow beast of the Hard Disk, and to every unreadable
fowl of logic, and to every needless complexity that creepeth upon
the Function wherein there is Null, I have given every Heap for
the Data, and it was so.
1:29 And Unix saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was
very terse. And the Program and the Module were the sixth day.
2:1 Thus the Functions and the Heap were finished, and all the
host of them, such that understanding came not.
2:2 And on the seventh day Unix ended his work which he had coded
and he rested on the seventh day from all his Kernel which
he had coded.
2:3 And Unix blessed the seventh day, and sanctified it: because
in it he had rested from all his Coding which Unix had created
and made.