Enterprise Gov'ment Programming

So I got a job as a programmer at a government facility, and they use ENTERPRISE QUALITY solutions: MUMPS, Caché Server Pages and Java. And they also expect me to know UML.

My first problem is I don't know anything about object oriented programming, let alone diagram sketching languages.

My second problem is I'm asking /prog/ for help.

Any hints for quickly mastering the OOP paradigm? Does anyone here work with these obscure languages they use?

>>17
Nobody here likes your shitty webcomic, so quit advertising Randall