Programmers

Programmers are the worst losers in the whole world.  They are
humanity's most useless members.

Unable to do anything since their childhood because of their black
soul and dull conscience they start digging the memory of a primitive
device --- personal computer --- their parents bought to them out of
pity.  These diggings (also called "programming"), which are in fact
nothing but typing meaningless strings of symbols solely to relieve
the pain in an empty and worthless soul, induce the feeling of
euphoria, which, however, doesn't last for very long, and soon it
makes space for more familiar loneliness, tastelessness and
senselessness of existence; such feelings can only appear in a dry and
talentless soul, in a soul can only see emptiness, despair and
unwillingness to live, limited by perishing and ash-like body.

I simply press the EXPERT button on my keyboard, which is tied to a custom scancode that a daemon hijacks, and then identifies the currently active program and sends the appropriate key events. This way, in Firefox, it sends [b][i][o][u][/u][/o][/i][/b], followed by sixteen left-arrow events; if I am using Emacs, it invokes M-x expert-mode; and if I am on the command line it executes w3m http://mitpress.mit.edu/sicp/. I also have bindings for OpenOffice, which performs an elaborate series of keystrokes to toggle the appropriate font styles, and my personal favorite, the Gimp, which creates a new image the size of the screen, draws the /prog/snake, inserts the text I'VE READ SICP at the top.