Which language should I learn?

Sup /prog/, I want to learn a language. I'm thinking something fairly simple to start off with like PHP but I hear alot of people saying it's shit. I'll be learning on my own from a reference book plus ebooks I can find.

So what would be a good language for a beginner to master before progressing to something more complex.

Thanks!

1)C (read K&R)
2)x86 (read Intel Processor Manuals) and maybe some RISC asm
3)LISP, or another functional language such as Haskell or ML-based ones (read SICP here)
4)C#/Java, maybe C++ for common real world work
5)You're now free to decide if you want to learn PHP, or any other language