x86 Assembly

Sup /prog/. I'm trying to learn x86 assembly. I need a guide geared toward someone who (get this) has never programmed in anything more than BASIC before. Don't get me wrong, I know what interrupts and bit shifting and all that jazz are, I understand most of the terms and how different things actually work. I just want a guide that doesn't try to assume that I know what all those goddamn instructions mean.

I seem to remember AoA wasn't too terrible. That was a while back though, seems it's gone entirely HLA these days, which I'm not sure I approve of. I don't recall it being this verbose either.